As a relationship coach who frequently talks to single men in the city about what qualities they seek in women, I have a rare insight into what men are truly looking for on a first date. More importantly, I know what the higher quality men out there are looking for the first time they meet someone.
The key words are, high quality. Landing men who are lower on the totem pole is easy. These types of men are so happy to have a date, that women could literally ignore them for two hours, and these men will call them again. But for men that are in high demand and have some substance, this is not the case. High quality men want more than just a pretty face.
After much discussion with men of all ages, I have found that single guys tend to look for the following ten things when meeting women for a first date.
- Give us a warm welcome.
When you greet us, don’t reach out your hand for a handshake. This makes us feel as if we are about to enter a business meeting. A hug is not only more friendly, but show that you are more emotionally open to the possibility of a romantic partnership. Setting the tone of the date early on is important.
- Avoid rapid fire questioning.
Asking question after question without allowing the conversation to flow naturally is unacceptable. It is understandable that there is a lot you may want to know about us, but let these answers come out over time. We are here to have fun, not to feel as if we are under the microscope and trying to prove ourselves.
- Offer to pay for something.
Offering to pay for something isn’t about us being cheap, or wanting to shift gender roles. Most men won’t even take the money that is being offered. But we do want to see you at least reach for that purse. It reveals that you are a generous and giving person, something that we are hoping will translate into how you act on future dates.
- Don’t tell me about your ex-boyfriend.
Dropping one or two lines about how long your last relationship was is okay. But don’t get into details or the relationship, or we will suspect you are still clinging on to the past. Save the reasons why you both broke up for a future date and focus on the moment, not the disappointing past.
- Put the phone away.
Taking out your cell phone on a first date is ok for one reason only; to respond to a friend or family member that is making sure you are safe. Using your phone any more than that on a first date is just rude, childish, and a major red flag.
- Show what makes you different.
Whether its work, a unique talent, a goal in life, or anything in between, show us what makes you different from every other pretty face out there. Men want to know that they are meeting someone who will be interesting beyond just the first date.
- Demonstrate a desire to try new things.
Many men fear monogamy. This is partly wired into our nature. But one way that these fears can be eased is by showing us that life with you will never get boring. A willingness to try new things translates to a life of excitement, which is exactly what we are looking for.
- Sex it up a bit.
Like it or not, we are visual creatures by nature. Put in that extra effort to look the best you possibly can, and provide those extra touches of femininity. Wearing makeup that looks sexy, a nice dress, and some heels can go a long way towards raising our interest.
- Take a breath.
According to studies, the average woman speaks thousands more words a day more than the average man. This is fine with the gals, but not when getting to know somebody new. There is no bigger turn off then women who don’t listen, and just talk right over men. Just as much as women like to feel listened to, we do to.
- Text us after the date.
Many men like to know that a woman is interested after a date. Sending us a simple text that says you had a good time, or one that makes a joke about the date, let’s us know that we should keep you on the top of our radar. Just don’t over do it. There is a fine line between a thank you text, and becoming clingy.