Online Dating Vs. IRL

Yes, this is the bear also acts as my leg pillow, fluffer pillow and neck pillow. Wanna feel him? He's cuddly soft.

Online dating is the norm. Once upon a time you were a pathetic piece of horse shit if you uttered the words “we met online.” It was a “dirty word.” But now dating is a billion dollar industry. Single folks account for the largest consumer group in the U.S. according to the good folks at Single Edition Media. 

Online dating is to meeting people as buying shoes from Amazon is to you being a pasty-skinned asshole that looks like a skeleton with a bright red fright-wig that just got throw out of a helicopter (thanks, Ron Burgundy). It's common; everybody's doing it. So what's the big deal?

There is none.

You see, this is the norm for meeting folks. We can talk to people when we choose to. We can filter in the stats and attributes we want; we get something close to what we want. Neat. Right? Well there's a school of thought that likes to take an occasional shit on that notion.

For those of you in your Thirties/Forties, have you ever taken a moment and said to yourself: “I'm glad I lived in a world prior to computers and smart phones.” I have and I fucking love this shit. Truth. Life was different. We got our information differently. Shit, I even had my porn mailed to my home as a kid from an adult video store in the form of said store's printed brochure (I was broke, I couldn't afford VHS spunk, y'all). Things were different.

Today, online dating, to me, is awesome. For those that don't already know, I'm a big fan of the OkCupid. But there's still something about making magic happen “organically.” I'd like to take a quick moment and tell you that I hate heirloom tomatoes and the word “organic.” In our hyper-tech society it seems that word is abused and used to make sure we still know what natural is. Organic milk, organic chocolate (Oooh! I got some in the fridge. Brb!), and Organic SEO results. Fuuuuuuck! I can't handle this shit. So let's just call meeting someone in person ‘IRL,' okay.

There's a thrill to meeting someone in person and chatting them up. About a month and a half ago, I went to a local book store to do some work. I was about to sit down when a woman sitting on a chair next to the couch I was moving toward. She politely told me she was moving to that spot. I don't know why I'm fucking weird. But she sat down and as she was moving her things I sat on her lap. I didn't put my full weight on the poor thing of course. But I definitely sat on the girl's lap and started rambling off some random shit. It's what I do. The girl just couldn't help but laugh. So I took the spot next to her and we talked for nearly an hour. She bought me coffee and I bought her a treat. This interaction didn't lead to a formal date, though. I got a phone number, we texted briefly and interest died out. I don't give good text, folks. TrueFax. That's another story.

That was a completely random moment. It was about as much fun as I'd had up to that point talking with someone… Why don't I do this shit all the time? Didn't I talk to more random strangers? I did. But I also used to go out more often. Being able to carve out a good convo IRL is important; seduction matters. Think of it like surviving in the wilderness every so often just to keep your skills sharp in case the world does end this year.  That face to face random interaction is more exciting than anything the internet could ever drum up, no matter if there's video chat or some other 3D contraption down the road.

If you intend on dating a lot online, you should at least keep your social skills sharp in public. Be  a flirt, strike up random conversations; work the fucking room, man. If you can do these things well, you're going to roll the bologna to tuna town every day ending in ‘Y'. I realize that wasn't the point of this article, but I don't give a shit. You want to meet someone special and get to the good stuff; whatever that means to you. The best way to do that is to keep your skills up in the real world, y'all.

Until next time, check back when I tackle the topic of breaking up with someone during the holidays.