How Honest is Too Honest?

how honest is too honest
how honest is too honest

“You can have the love you need to live. But if you look for truthfulness. You might just as well be blind” – Billy “I don't take shit from anybody” Joel.

The man knew what the hell he was talking about. Didn't he? Honesty for many people is truly one of the most difficult things about being a human being. Society encourages honesty, but it's also not terribly forgiving if you are. Case in point? One time I had a job where my boss pulled me aside to ask how I was doing; as in “how was I really doing.” I confided and said that I've had some freelance gigs causing me grief. I got a written notice a couple days later citing a lack of focus and commitment or some b.s.

I have not mastered what it is to be honest. That's no lie.

When I went through my breakup, one among the difficult things to do was telling my ex that I wasn't truthful with her with regard to having kids. I told her we could try when in fact I didn't want them. And that was about a year before we'd broken up. I was wrong. And you know what? Things hurt a lot worse later… I can't speak for her, but she was not feeling warm fuzzies toward me and she may not for a long, long time. I failed to be honest.

My late uncle, Adrian, was a stickler for the truth. My grandfather would ask: “Hey you fucking shit head!! What the fuck are you doing in there, pindejo!!?” There would be a brief pause and then a line I'll never forget: “I'm getting high, dad. Leave me alone!” I knew this because I was watching my uncle get high at that point. I didn't get the significance of what was happening until many years later. What? I was slow, you asshole!

Honesty. Is probably the most import part of someone. It guides them and builds their character through the course of their life. I'm skeptical that anyone is 100% honest either others or themselves.

So how honest is too honest? It is my personal opinion that honesty is not a tool used to tear down; it is used to build upon. If someone asks you “do these jeans make me look fat?” Saying “you look like a fat ass, Piggy O'Hoolihan, now squeal!” is mean, if it said person does indeed look like a fat ass. That's not a case of honesty that matters here. I know I'm splitting hairs, but honesty to me that deals with higher level of responsibility to oneself and to others. Going back to my ex, we had a experienced a miscarriage over a year ago. Weeks after everything she did ask: “Were you relieved that the miscarriage happened?” I told her I was… Shitty, right? But it was honest. She stayed with me… Yet I couldn't tell her “no, I don't want kids.” Why? I'm still mulling that over.

I don't think “too honest” exists. It's easier to find true love than it is to find honesty.

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. Honesty is SO important to me. I’m a very “blunt” person who tries to always tell it how it is and be REAL. But in a lot of my life experiences I’ve found out that people have trouble with honesty. They’d almost rather be lied to than be told the truth, and oftentimes telling the truth leads to females being called bitchy. Tough! I think telling someone you don’t want to have kids is TRICKY, but should definitely be talked about earlier than later so if she really wants them, she can move on with someone who does too. xo

    1. You speak true, Jeanna. These sorts of things are what you figure out early on. To be fair, we did have this talk, but we each ignored it. I hoped it would go away. But like uncomfortable rashes or unwanted house guests things like that never do go away on their own…

      For the record, you’re my kind of bitchy! =)

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