We are looking for love & we’re trying online dating, public, singles events, etc. Yet, it’s all turning out the same way: not finding a good fit. So what do we do? Begin compensating for the lack of love in our lives. Some people compensate with a pet, others with their computer, ice cream, wine, etc. Do we recognize how we are compensating? Not all of the time. We have to be made aware of it. Why? Because the #1 person we lie to is ourselves.
Here’s the top things people tell themselves about relationships that are self-deceptive:
- “S/He may not have the things that I would like, but it works for now.”
- “It’s okay that we don’t do the things that I enjoy, I’m happy to have companionship.”
- “It’s ok that s/he doesn’t want children, I wasn’t that sure about having them anyway.”
- “I wish s/he was more ambitious, but I love who s/he is.”
- “I am so busy, I don't have time to date right now.”
- “S/He’s just not ready for a relationship yet.”
- “S/he may not be as attractive as I usually date, but I think s/he is so nice.”
Anything that you have desired for your lifestyle is what shouldn’t be deleted off your list. A friend of mine said “Listen, we all date assholes till we meet the right one.” At the time I thought it was a harsh statement, but he’s right. Not that the people I date are assholes; because who we choose to date is a reflection of who we are and what we think we want. While dating, we are really testing out the combination of qualities, characteristics, and life desires we are looking for. We discover the things that we thought we wanted might not be what we need. Ideas about people and relationships create illusions that distort our perception of reality. The ideal partner will compliment your goals, desires and assist in fulfilling your dreams together.