This article was sent to me by Tizzy Wall: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/dont-write-about-the-people-you-have-loved/ – Needless to say, it's a fucking good read and brings to bear an important discussion: Should we, as relationship bloggers, blog about our exes?
The author, Nathan Savin Scott, writes “You own part of everything that has happened to you. You own your perspective on the matter. And, sorry kids, but a lot of the time your perspective can be wrong, or unfair, or tinted by whatever shit you were going through at the time.”
I take a deep breath when I read that. Why? Well, I disagree with it. That's why. I own everything I've been through. Period. No one else. Ultimately, I am the master of my universe. What I perceive as the “the truth” may and does differ from that of anyone else. That means that I may see things incorrectly, as pointed out by the facts. Even though I may be wrong, my memory may be skewed, I still own my feelings. Therefore, I should be able to write about whatever I want to with respect to my exes.
In George Straight's day, it was easier, because I don't think he had the internet and they all lived in Texas. Yet, he was a wildly popular entertainer (and a horribly shitty actor) and could sing to millions about his dating life. So why can't I? I mean, I can't sing for shit and I sure as hell can't play the guitar. But, at a basic, Avatardian level, I can write. And that's what I do. I write. Writing has been an unexpected form of release for me over the years. It's helped me work through some of my own issues and get things out of my head and out into the world. It's helped me become a better person. I don't see how I COULDN'T write about my exes and past relationships!
That said, there are some ethics involved and considerations to be made. the Urban Dater isn't a wildly popular blog by any stretch. But it gets some circulation. All of my friends and family know that I have it. So when I write something about an ex, they know who I'm writing about. So here's where the decision making and deciding how carefully to tread comes into play and this is where I think Nathan Savin Scott speaks true.
It will leave you alone. If you write about all the people you have loved, people will stop coming to you. They will know your wrap — they will know you will expose them. People will stop loving you. They will stop trusting you. It’s the boy who cried wolf, with emotional intimacy. Blow it once and no one will trust you again.
I believe the above to be an absolute truth. There are some of my fellow bloggers out there that write pretty harshly about their exes. Really, really harsh. If any of their future beaus were to become aware of the type of blogging they do and the nature of the blogs that come out about those exes who scorned them, well, that beau has to think carefully. “What will this person write about me when I fuck up?” “How will this person write about our arguments?” Sure, sure. We can set guidelines when we're in a relationship. But if that relationship dissolves, the proverbial kid gloves do come off and what's to stop us from trashing someone we used to love?
In retrospect, I don't feel I've written anything particularly scathing about an ex. Though, I've written a shitty thing or two, especially about that one who I broke up with after one of my halloween parties… Was that wrong? Looking back, yes. I think so. Why? Because it's embarrassing and disrespectful. I've since taken it down, though, there may be some other posts that reference that, that I need to lookup.
The women I've loved, I have loved for good reason and for a time in my life, they made me as happy as I could ever hope to be… Maybe they trashed me, cheated on me, disrespected me… Maybe. Would that be worth it to trash them in kind? What does that say about me as a person? I think when we bash our exes, it says a whole lot more about us than it does about them. As bloggers, we need to think about the ethics of such writing and really consider who we are and what we wish to project to the world. After all, they are watching AND reading what we do…