I'll tell you, being 29 and not having been on a real date in over a year could be devastating to some young women. The constant question from my older relatives of “Why don't you have a boyfriend?” That's not fun. Being the only single person in attendance when one of my girlfriends has a party -sucks. Everyone around me seems to be getting engaged or married. How many times will I be a bridesmaid? Not fun.
But overall it's really not so bad. Don't get me wrong, I miss the exciting date banter, getting dressed to impress and discovering chemistry with another person….but I do not miss a lot of other things. The anticipation of his call (or do I call him?), fretting over what to wear, having to look cute all the time, nervousness, painful hair removal, etc…
These things are not missed in the slightest. Sometimes though I really do just want to be asked on a date. I guess I just don't get it. Is there an Elephant in the room that people aren't telling me about? If there is, please tell me. Cause for the life of me, no men will ask me out. Well I suppose there was one, in May, but it wasn't a real date to me. He asked me to meet him at a little Jazz Bar near my home and I obliged. He was a gentleman at first and it was nice. As we got to know each other I asked him how old he was. This is a natural question, right? Well he really did not want to answer, so then of course I insisted. He was 40 (but looked 30). I would like to have someone a little closer to my age-STRIKE 1. As we were drinking our cocktails I noticed that he was wearing a hat again (he wore one the night I initially met him). So I asked him “Why the hat all the time?” He removed the hat and I understood immediately. He was mostly bald, but was attempting to salvage his remaining hair by doing some intricate comb-over hair contortion technique-STRIKE 2. I was trying to be open minded-really I was! But then he took off his jacket and revealed his appalling T-shirt that had a picture of a Rooster on it and said “Rock Out with your Cock Out!”-STRIKE 3! Yes Siree, this is the kind of guy that asks me out.
At this point I feel like I have a lot of practice NOT dating. But I love my life and I am enjoying every minute of my singledom. So here are a few pieces of advice to help you to use this time wisely and to make the most of being single too!
1. Do things- there is a lot of freedom in NOT having a relationship. You can do whatever you want, and not have to worry about what your date wants to do. So do it girl! Eat at your favorite restaurant 5 nights a week and order your favorite dish every time. Rent all the sappy movies you want from Netflix. Hey you don't even have to make any plans on Super Bowl Sunday….cause to you its just another Sunday (I am not a sports fan). Go out Salsa dancing with your friends. Relish the time you have with yourself…..because you may not have the chance to indulge like this again if you get swooped up into a whirlwind romance.
2. Improve things- I am a huge supporter of improving and evolving oneself. Don't you want to be the best YOU that you can be? No one is perfect; there is always room for improvement. So give church another try. See a therapist. Do some inner healing. Forgive those who wronged you. Apologize to those you have hurt. Figure out why your past relationships didn't work and then take the steps to improve the areas where your relational skills are lacking. You can even ask your ex's or your friends or family for suggestions (if you are brave enough)! For me I realized that I had been a little too controlling in the past. It has been something I have been working through and I have definitely seen growth and change in myself. Hey if you're waiting around for Mr. Right, why not try to become Ms. Right yourself?
3. Know things- if you are reading this then you probably have some free time on your hands. So why not use that time to increase your brain power smarty-pants? Read things you have always wanted to read. Take a class at a community college. Learn to paint. Take guitar lessons or a film making class. And while learning you will also be increasing your attractiveness and you could be opening yourself up to meet other people.
I know too many girls that cannot live without a man, and this makes me so sad. You can live without a man, and you can have a blast until the next one comes along! I swear to you that this has been one of THE best years of my life! So get out there and date yourself….Im sure it will be an enjoyable and cheap date and you wont have the stress of wondering why you didn't call yourself….well maybe you will-if you are Alex V with multiple cell phones.
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