As a society, we like to party. Any occasion will do. It doesn’t take much. Stew, the meat cleaver guy, down at the butcher shop is having an anniversary party for the day he cut off his thumbs in that freak meat slicer accident. Free drinks for all!
When it comes to the celebration to the official close of a single person’s life there is much to celebrate. No more one night stands; no more random stranger make out sessions or nights spent face down in a gutter on a street corner… Actually I’m getting a little depressed. I happen to like all of those things! However, creativity is missing when it comes to celebrating a bachelor party. Let me explain…
Much is made of a bachelor/bachelorette party. Women being women, however, tend to be more creative and “gussy” it up a bit with imaginative games and decorations that include things like the penis ring toss, or scavenger hunting games that may include getting a pic of a dude’s “junk.”
As men, we’re much simpler in action and thought, unless it includes complicated machinery or some type of home improvement project, where we revel in complexity.
Thus lots of booze and, hopefully, naked women is usually what makes for a standard bachelor party. Though, there are progressive men out there who can’t be bothered with strippers and choose to keep it clean with board games, or a movie/game night. Maybe even… gasp a co-ed bachelor party! Why in the hell would anyone do that!!? Anyway, I’m getting beside myself. My point is that we are lacking in creativity with regard to the time honored tradition of the bachelor party.
That said, I hit up the twitter verse, interwebs and friends, bums and strangers aka my neighbor Maud “the Broad” Gustaffson for some advice on how to re-vitalize the bachelor party archetype.
Bachelor Party 2.0
A bachelor party is not complete without booze and women’s breasts. If you disagree with me then GTFO! This is my article, kids!!
Part of being creative is sometimes taking existing activities and spicing them up.
- The Stripper Toss – The inspiration here comes from the Midget Toss contest, obviously. I did hire a pair of strippers to perform said tossing. Needless to say, this did not go over very well. I only got to toss one stripper before I was kicked, punched and otherwise maimed by their handler. Verdict – Bad Idea
Breath Holding Contest – As simple as it sounds. Members of the bachelor party must hold their breath for the longest in order not to drink. The twist to this game is having a stripper smother the “poor” guy’s face with her boobs. Before I unceremoniously began tossing strippers on their derriere’s, I test piloted this game. I surprised myself by holding my breath for, like thirty minutes. I didn’t even have all that much dain bramage!
Taking it to the Hole – This game was recommended by Maud, the Broad. She mentioned to me that this game can be played a variety of ways. However, the method I focused on was pinning the penis on the vagina. Were you aware that they sell a vagina that you can stick to a wall? I certainly wasn’t.
– The Angry Stripper Riding Competition – This is another game that didn’t test very well and also managed to get me roughed up by the stripper’s handler. I’ll leave it to your imagination to figure out just what this competition entails. Dad and Uncle Jokes are not advised if you plan to live a productive and healthy lifestyle, yet those jokes are essential to the game’s success!
There are a few other ideas that were bandied about, but there were even too lewd and crude for even this guy! So, what are some of your ideas for creative games a Bachelor can play on his second most special day?