How to Overcome Resentment in a Marriage


Marriages, like all other relationships, require serious work. And this work requires a joint effort; meaning that you have to recognize that your relationship is based on human love, and not infatuation. Your partner will make mistakes and you will make them too. The 80/20 rule definitely applies in marriages, nobody is perfect. The quality of your marriage and its duration hinges on your ability to have realistic expectations of each other. It’s never easy to forget about something that transpired between you two; but you can consciously choose to let it go. The sooner you are able to forgive and let go of what you feel they did or did not do to you, the quicker you both can move on to the next stage of your relationship. Here are 3 relationship rules to think about before you allow resentment to build up:

Rule 1

Recognize that your partner willingly entered into a relationship with you and that they did not replace the scolding of their parents with your correction. Marriage is about partnership; a voluntary agreement was made between two parties to willingly engage in a life-long journey together.

Rule 2

Before you go on a warpath and crucify your partner, keep in mind that you are bound to make mistakes in the future as well; and your mistake could be bigger than the one that you are accusing them of making.

Rule 3

It is very difficult to forget about situations that you don’t like, but you can diffuse your feelings by taking a deep breath and consciously choosing to let it go. And after you have let it go, make the choice to never bring it up again. We are all capable of erring, so if we think that the resentment we are holding is worth more than the weight of our relationship, then there may come a time when your marriage is lost and the resentment is all that is left. Always remember, if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you want your partner to treat you?

Author Profile

Jesse Herriott is a 20′ something teacher, with academic training in the Social Sciences, English, Religion-Spirituality, and Depth Psychology. A by-product of Generation Next, Jesse believes that we are what we have been waiting on-and each of us have gifts and talents that are vital as humanity makes this next great creative leap forward. Jesse is an ordained priest in the Universal Anglican Church, an adjunct professor in Atlanta, GA, and an avid writer. Jesse completed graduate and post graduate work in the Social Sciences, & Post-Graduate work in both English and Psychology. Jesse also received a D.Min. from the Interspiritual Divinity School (formerly Anglican Divinity School-a division of the Universal Anglican Church). Jesse lectures on the intersections of what he calls “real life” with a soul-ful spirituality that invites listeners to ground themselves in the earth, and get back into their lives. Jesse’s blend of Soulful-Spirituality and the modern age, with a twist of Jungian-Depth Psychology & Mysticism, blazes a wide chasm for what he calls the rise of Generation NOW! According to Jesse one of the most important discoveries in the first half of life is finding yourself–”because in discovering your “Self” you would have found the dwelling place of the divine. The first half of life is an amazing time—why not seize it while you have the chance?”

In his capacity as a Unity.FM (Unity Online Radio) host, Jesse Herriott has had the pleasure of dialoguing with some of the world’s leading luminaries, New York Times-Bestselling authors, and teachers such as Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, Dr. Arun Gandhi (the grandson of Mahatma Ghandi), Harin Kara, Latham Thomas, Meggan Watterson, Dr. Terry Cole-Whitaker, Gangaji, Bishop John Shelby Spong, Bishop Carlton Pearson, NaAak’ Paola Ambrosi, Dr. Timothy Freke, Susan Cain-NY Times Bestselling Author, Howard Falco,and many more……..

Jesse’s writings have appeared in both print and online indie magazines and journals around the world. And He hosts a weekly Empowerment program on Unity Online Radio entitled, “Living on Purpose ( For more info, or to contact Jesse directly, visit him on the Web at, Facebook at, Twitter @jessherriott, or on Youtube at or view his Unity Online Radio archives at:

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