Ask the Urban Dater: Dating Older Women Edition

dating older women

We're back with another edition of “Ask the Urban Dater,” where I attempt to give good/decent/shitty advice to random folks who read this, here, blog.

Today's question comes from Arlene Jaime Lynn Sigfreud, of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

She writes:

I'm 47, why is it so many men my age are after the 25-30 year olds? (I mean besides the obvious tight body, winkle-free face). Don't these guys realize that these women will someday want children? Hello? Do you want a screaming baby when you're 55? I'm attractive, out-going and smarter-than-hell!! Why isn't that enough? Oh, I am also financially stable. And also, the men that are hitting on me are 65 or older. I want someone my age!

Arlene, I feel you. Really. Well, not about the part with old men hitting on me. Though, that happened at a gay bar once. A story for another time… Moving along.

There's no mystery here, Arlene. Men around your age, mid-forties to mid-fifties, still think like an 18 year old. Sure, they may have gained command of their finances; make better overall decisions, but at the end of the day, they're dirty old men who were once dirty young men. The only difference is it's no longer as cute now that they're older. True story.

Often, older men have something that younger women seek. Women in the 25 to 30 range may find it difficult to find a man of their own age to relate to on an emotional and even developmental level. That is, they want someone who'd fucking mature. This is where you'll see younger women get up for an older man. Older men will seek out younger women because they know they have something these women seek. Sometimes it's purely financial and the older man understands and accepts that the green-backs ensure the affections of a younger woman. Other times, though, a younger woman is able to relate better to an older man. And older man may not want to deal with the “baggage” that experience brings: Grown children, health issues, emotional scars etc. There's a perception among older men, at least those I've spoken with, that have dated younger women that these women tend to be “less complicated.” So, you see, it's not always about a tighter firmer ass!

Can I tell you, Arlene, I met a woman this past weekend, at a 5k I ran, who is 52 years old. She looked amazing (and had some of the best legs I've seen in a loooong time) and we were running side by side for a good portion of the race and the last quarter mile she turned up the accelerators and whooped my ass… Hot! She approached me after to ask me about the running app I was using to track my mileage. We talked and in complimenting her on her run she told me her age and I replied: “I think you should take me for a drink for what you just did to my ego.” She laughed and said: “Oh, my boyfriend would be jealous. I couldn't, I'm afraid.” I asked her if this boyfriend of hers could “keep up.” She smiled and walked away as we exchanged good-byes. Now, I'm 36 and I would do unspeakably dirty things to that woman…

Go ahead and judge me, but older women do age like a fine wine. If older men are passing such women up, they're missing out.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. I get where your coming from about wanting a man your own age. I am just a few years younger than you but I’m the opposite I am attracting men in their late twenties and early thirties. Which is just as bad because they do not have anything to offfer me except a hard body.

  2. Ive dated women older than me and younger and I must say .the ones i have dated who were a good bit taught me so much that I cant help but think of them and smile 🙂

  3. My name’s Sally and I’m 27 years old. I’ve had my ups and downs over the years with being single for over 10 of them. I suppose it was a combination of being shy, over weight and simply not happy with the way I looked. I was always jealous of my friend for constantly being in and out of relationships, often they were too picky and threw away some decent men.

    This isn’t a post about my downfalls but quite the opposite. I’m now in a happy relationship (8 months strong) and I’m ecstastic to say it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve never fell more confident in myself and never thought I’d feel like this. Trust me there was some dark times in the past but I’ve overcome it.

    I’ve wrote this to share some tips and hopefully motivate a few single ladies (If I can help atleast one person, that’d be incredible!):

    You don’t need a man in your life. I know, I know. It’s easy for me to write about now I’m in a relationship. But the truth is, you’ll never be able have a happy relationship until you’re happy with yourself. Don’t let society force you into thinking you need a man. Enjoy being single and focus on happiness

    Remove bad habits. I was grossly over weight. I hit the gym hard and dieted. Now, I’m not saying lose weight to find a man. If you’re happy with your body shape (big or small) then that’s incredible. But if like me, I had to change. I became educated on fitness and changed my life. I’m definitely not a size zero model now but I feel amazing.

    I read a book that changed my life and perspective of dating. Not sure if you will have heard of her, but Patti Stanger wrote a book for single ladies. She’s the presenter from Millionaire Matchmaker (It’s trashy, don’t judge me!). It changed the way I looked at dating, gave me some new confidence and taught me to never give up. Honestly, I’m not doing this incredible book enough justice but check it out if you’re interested. I don’t think I could have changed my life without her. She’s amazing. I’ll leave a link below.

    Link for the book for anyone that interested: http://www.womenshealthonalert.com/single-dating
    I hope I helped at least one person. Remember, never ever give up and make the most out of a single lifestyle.

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