Ask the Urban Dater: Can You Acquire a Fetish?
Today's question is… Odd. That is, I don't understand it. Therefore, because I am a glutton for weird stuff and punishment, let's just get right to it.
Our odd and creepy question comes from Party Pants McPhee, from
I am a man with few interests and, really, no kinks. So how would one go about developing a fetish anyway? Seriously.
— P.P. McPhee
Well, P.P., let me tell you, again, this is an odd question. I've tackled the topic of what I feel are contributing factors in developing a fetish. Good stuff, right? My former partner had a particularly vile post on the topic as well; but the vile hooligan yanked it… Oh well.
Now, before I get into this particular question let us examine what a fetish is.
What a Fetish is…
Fetish: A course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment.
What I've observed, from my own experiences, which are not at all rooted in science or dumb shit like that, is that fetishes are generated during the formative years when one witnesses something they don't quite understand and somehow it is committed to memory, then they watch some movie with dancing ants, wearing top hats, rubbing their ass in someone's face. Kaboom! A fetish is born. Yeah. I observed that shit, bro!
Look, it doesn't take much to figure out what you like. Start with your “run of the mill” fetishes. Like what? I think we should cover a few of the basic and less basic options, so you can get a read of the fetish landscape.
Gateway Fetishes — These fetishes are considered “normal” because they are a little more common place and familiar, while also being simple to understand. These fetishes lead to a love for other weird and twisted shit. These are accessible because media and society helps us objectify women in all sorts of ways. In NYC, I saw a skyscraper sized image of Alex Morgan, sinewy, kicking something… Sure, she had clothing on, but it was “skimpy.” It obviously only begins from there. Women are objectified in ads ranging from hair coloring products, to mouth wash and beer.
- Foot Fetish (podophilia)
- Hair Fetish
- Shoe Fetish
- Breasts
Less Vanilla Fetishes — These get a bit more interesting and more specific.
- Submission and Domination — I live in this area at times. I like being told what to do and feel some pain with my pleasure. Also, I tire of being in control. Innately, we gravitate to being a “top” or “bottom” sexual personality. I've read that there have been studies conducted that hypothesize that ones preference for one or the other is determined before birth… I'll try to dig up the link for ya.
- Leather, Rubber, Latex — Some like this for the feel, some like it for how the object of their desire looks wearing outfits made from these materials. There's a definite pornographic association with the aforementioned materials. Don't believe. Go to your local Poonography shop and peruse pretty much anything and you'll see what I mean.
- Fruit Crushing — Okay. I don't really have an idea why this one exists… But I also have no fucking idea why no one tried to detonate N-Sync back in the day. Whatevs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJjbitVrZxk
Fetishes That Make Others Go “Hmmm” — Now this is the part of the journey where you're running into the roads less travelled. These fetishes range from watching people do it, to doing nasty things to… robots. Which, hey, if that's your thing, go for it. I read about this shit at the Sex Museum in NYC recently. It exists!
- Voyeurism – Folks who like to watch others have sex. Typically the person watching the sexual fireworks going on are also watching their significant other getting boinked. Often, but not always.
- Robot…ism? Again, not sure I understand this one. And I'm a pretty understanding dude, kids. There's certainly no shortage of computer related puns but I think those sort of miss the mark here…
- Autoerotic Asphyxiation. Related, of course, to the submission and domination game. What this really comes down to is choking your chicken and… uh… eating it, too?? More than a few people end of killing themselves in this fashion. Choke your chicken safely, folks.
- Furries! Fuck you! Go look this shit up yourselves, goddammit!
Quite a list of fetishes to acquire, huh? This list is so not comprehensive… At all. Hey, but it's a start. Right? Right!
So take these fetishes, do your research and see which one makes your, ahem, pants tighter and then go to a site like FetLife and see if you can find any accomodating deviants to “get on” with.
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I don’t know about the intentional acquisition of fetishes, but there are definitely folks who discover fetishes later in life, or who try new things with different partners that maybe initially they wouldn’t have thought up on their own as something that would interest them!
Sexuality is weird and complicated.
If my experience on /tg/ (the 4chan board for TRPGs and other tabletop games) is anything to go by, fetishes can absolutely be acquired later in life.