Ejaculation Location

I’m talking about aim (or lack of it!), and about male, as opposed to female ejaculation…just to be clear. I used to have a joke in my stand up routine that men would often say “Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Did I get you in the eye? I was genuinely aiming for your breasts!” Yes, seriously, those words have been uttered, both onstage and privately! And my response was something along the lines of “Really? Your aim’s pretty shit hot on Xbox, so let’s not lie about it.”

Truth be told, if you want to come on someone’s face, the polite thing would be to ask. Not to pull out and blame your aim, or your general veering to “up and left” in such matters. But asking presents a different problem doesn’t it? Because that requires the ejaculator to hand over some of the power, and requires the possible recipient to consciously acquiesce, which I suppose is both taking some power (in being given the choice), and relinquishing some, in that it’s a fairly submissive position to take.

Just think about it – has receiving a custard pie in the face ever been empowering?? I know–bad analogy, but you get my drift. And now I’ve got memories of those poor sods on Noel’s House Party getting gunged.

But is it all about power? The feminist in me would say so. There’s a splattering, shooting element to the male ejaculation. I’m sorry, but there it is. And that’s just physiology. Whereas, should a man choose to envelope himself within a woman’s thighs, it’s almost nurturing, a return to the womb, no? My male friend says it’s all semantics, and I’ve chosen my words carefully, making the female juices sound rather more delightful than the male ones. Heaven forbid.

And yet, I think there are some other factors at play. Cumming on a woman’s face is a porn classic. It’s no wonder that men want to give it a go when such a large percentage of porn features a facial. And there is, I suppose, an argument for indulging your partner’s fantasies, so long as you feel comfortable with them. And not all women will be comfortable with that type of facial when you suggest it. They’ll be hoping you’ve booked them in at a spa for a deep cleanse, an anti-ageing glycolic peel and some pore extraction. Or is that just me?

I’m aware I’m not taking into account the visual appeal. For him, not for me. I’ll have my eyes tightly shut, as any sensible lady not wearing protective eye-wear would do. And maybe at a deeper level, there’s something symbolic about “rubbing in the man’s seed”? Comments by a plethora of men online extolling the skin benefits would make you think that they’d discovered the liquid gold of the skincare market. They haven’t. Suffice to say that when I have a child, I shall be spraying that breast milk all over his face.