The Dr. House Guide to Succeeding at Relationships Without Really Trying

House is a dick and so can you!
House is a dick and so can you!

It’s the most formulaic show on the tube these days, Dr. House, Medicine Woman… Or, um, not. Anyway, House is an interesting character brought to life by Brit comedian Hugh Laurie. The character is deep, but he only goes frisby deep with his colleagues and sometimes love interest Dr. Cuddy, a lover of Jdate, of course. I can break down any episode of House for you: It begins with some sort of montage of someone doing something normal or fun or something else. Everything seems okay when the patient spews fluid from their face or falls on their ass like a sack of potatoes.  House’s team of Doctors go to work diagnosing the patient, as House derides and dismisses their theories for about thirty minutes or so… Then some random phrase causes House to think of a way to save a patient, roll credits. That’s about 98% of all the episodes you see…

However, I like how that guy goes about his “love” life and thought I’d share some things I've taken from it.

  • Be an ass and call people out – House is a genius on the show and has an amazing ability to “read” people; he notices peoples’ ticks and picks up on intentions better than most. He calls people out on their improprieties. Don’t be afraid to call attention to something someone says or does that you find puzzling, interesting or offensive. You don’t need to do a whole break down of the “why,” just call them out on the things they do. It keeps people on their toes and can be fun… Or totally disastrous, especially if you’re calling a person out on their bad hair day.
  • Sabotage the competition – The enigmatic House is also known for playing pranks and sabotaging his friends and colleagues. There was the time House told a woman that he and his best friend, Wilson, were gay in an attempt to prevent Wilson from gaining favor with said woman. There was also the time that House sabotaged Foreman from getting a job he interviewed for… I could go on and on about these pranks. Sometimes, it doesn't hurt to sabotage something that you can fix. Like a printer, a flat tire, a fear of clowns… Creating an issue, without your partner being aware and then fixing it can be a totally manipulative thing to do, but you’re still a hero if they never find out!
  • Surround yourself with people that think you are an amazing… jerk, but still amazing – Although anti-social is one of the adjectives one could use to describe the Dr. House character I also see that he is never alone; he always surrounds himself with people that admire and also detest him.  It’s an interesting posse to roll with, needless to say. This can be useful as it makes you stand out; it can get you attention. You may not want the sort of attention that it garners you, being the “asshole” of the group. However, I’ve found that having that mercurial personality with the “bad” label can actually draw people to you. While I don’t fit either the bad or mercurial labels; I’ve tried them, just to see how people would react. I’ve had people invite me to social gatherings just to be a dick to certain people, or to make things uncomfortable. What? Don’t judge me; these are but a few of my many services!
  • When the tough gets going, GTFO! – In a recent episode of the show, House learns his lover, Cuddy, may have cancer. He went M.I.A. as he was unable to bring himself to face the reality of what might be. He ended up going to his go-to vicodin, to help him cope. Long story short, the guy needed to figure out just how important this woman was to him… Unfortunately, while he figured it out, she also broke up with him for being selfish, as she oversimplified.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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