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Five Memorable Lessons on Attraction & Life from Hank Moody

Today, I'm excited to share with you a guest post from Ross Simmonds, a Modern Day Ad man, living in Canada. He's got a great blog you should check out and after much begging on my part contributed an article to the Urban Dater. Hopefully we can get him to come back and do some more! That said, kids, enjoy! – Alex

There are always one or two fictional characters with characteristics we envy. Ranging from the negotiation skills of Ari Gold to the manliness of Don Draper. These characters are able to carry themselves in a way that many of us can only dream of. We recognize that these individuals are fictional but also recognize the qualities that make these characters memorable. What if I told you that you could be any character you wanted to be? Would you believe me? Well you should. You see, each of us have the ability to change. While change is very difficult and often times uncomfortable, if were changing for the right reasons, then at the end of the day, it will all have been worth it.

A character whose recently caught my eye is that of Hank Moody from the HBO series; Californication. Why would a womanizing, alcohol guzzling, party animal and off-beat father catch my eye? Well, a few reasons.

First, let me admit that I think Hank Moody has a lot of issues. That said, I also think Hank Moody carries himself in a manner that many individuals envy. I've taken a look at Hank Moodys character and identified a few things about him that gives him an edge over every other man in the room. These lessons aren't going to turn you into a successful businessman or someone who immediately knows how to attract women. They will however, give you some insight and applicable items that you can leave and apply immediately to your own situation. Here goes…

Family should always be Number One

One thing you will realize when watching Hank Moody, is the fact that he really does love his wife and daughter. Sure he messes up a few times here and there but at the end of the day his daughter Becca is his rock. In one episode, Hank is separated from his daughter for the first time since her birth and to wish her well, he reads her a story over the phone before she goes to sleep. His love and constant pursuit for Karen (wife or ex-wife) shows where his heart is truly at. No matter how many women he sleeps with, the only one who can truly effect him is Karen.

Leaves women better off not worse

A lot of guys don't understand the importance of a manly break-up. Many of us see a break-up as an end and ultimately a way to prove a point or satisfy our own needs. Were rarely able to look at it from the perspective of the one we're leaving and for that reason we often say harsh, untrue and hurtful things. To put it in perspective, more often than not, were often selfish. And at the end of the day, being selfish is one of the many ways to die alone.

While Hank Moody is considered by many as a womanizer, I believe he's legitimately just someone who loves everything there is about a good woman. When watching him communicate with romantic interests, it's clear that he always has their best interest in mind. For this reason, he's able to carry himself in a way that many wouldn't get away it. He's up front with his intentions with these women and is a walking definition of someone who keeps it real.

As melodramatic and sad as this Hank Moody quote may sound, it's a feeling that many men have…

It’s my purgatory, really, inner drinks, whatever. I’m never really all that interested, but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ‘Cause it’s true, all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you, it’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures, my life’s work. But then there’s the morning after, a hangover, and the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone, and I’m haunted by yet another road not taken.

Keeps it 100% – 100% of the time

I think the one thing that many of us envy about Hank Moody is his ability to always keep it real. Often times we're afraid to be childish or make a fool of ourselves. While everyone enjoys playing, flirting and acting child-like (not childish) we often turn our back on the things we really want. In turn, we end up doing things that we don't necessarily want too simply because it's “the way things work.”

While this may be an extreme example, in one episode, Hank Moody didn't take well to a guy chatting on his phone during a movie. He reaches over the seat, grabs the guys phone, and throws it across the cinema after he refused to get off the phone when Hank asked nicely. Hank did what many of us often wish we could ourselves to doing. He acts on emotion and does whatever it is he wants. He's authentic, transparent and most importantly, he keeps it real.

Confidence is Happinesses Middle Name

I've seen many guys chat with women and totally kill the mood by discussing how their lives are in the dumps. They don't understand that bringing down the mood in ten minutes or less is a sure-fire way to have a lady walk away from you. When you're first meeting a lady she doesn't want to be your own personal Doctor Phil. She wants you to communicate with her in a vibrant way that shows that you're confident with yourself and an overall happy person. Sure, the saying goes misery loves company but do you really want to be with someone whose miserable? Hank wouldn't…

Whenever Hank introduces himself to a lady for the first time he does so with confidence and without an ounce of depression. No matter what is going on in Hanks life he's always willing to make light of the situation and demonstrate his love for life. This comes through his day-to-day antics along with his amazing wit and off-side humour. He often says things that many people can only sit and scratch their head at…That's exactly what you want.

The Willingness to Apologize

Almost every three episodes we see Hank apologizing to Becca or Karen. While some will argue that sorry doesn't cut it after it's said over and over again, it's better to get a sorry over and over than never get one at all. This goes back to my earlier point about men often times being selfish and unwilling to think about the other persons feelings. Being selfish we often are stubborn when it comes to apologizing for doing something wrong. We make up excuses and rarely admit our mistakes.

Hank recognizes the importance of admitting when you're wrong and also optimistic that he will beat his demons. You see, a lot of us are unhappy with the person we are on the outside as well as on the inside. However, instead of making an attempt at fixing or even seeing our own faults we dismiss them and never strive to improve. If were commitment to constantly improving ourselves and becoming better men, we'll live a more fulfilling life.

This is a guest blog post from Ross Simmonds, a digital marketer in Halifax, Nova Scotia. You can find more of his thoughts and blog posts on his website; the Cool Perspective.

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  1. I like your two key points on confidence and the willingness to apologize. However, I don't agree that a succession of apologies helps anybody smooth things over. And anyone who hangs faithfully by someone who has to apologize for the same repeat behavior, should probably have the air in their head let out some.

    Maybe we should just try being ourselves. That way we don't have to epitomize made up TV characters while pretending to be "keep it real".

    1. I think you raise a great point!

      Specifically around being ourselves. This post is in no way shape or form saying that people should go out and be like Hank Moody. What it's saying is that there are a few things that we can learn from his character. I completely agree with your point about being ourselves – I actually wrote about that here: http://tinyurl.com/yfqqn95 – What I do think we have to remember though, is that some of these characters on TV have characteristics that would make all of us better partners, friends and sometimes even parents. Just because it's make believe doesn't mean we can't learn a thing or two from it..

  2. I'm with Ross on this one. I think a lot of people look to fictional characters because it's easier, sometimes, to point out characteristics that we admire or otherwise appreciate. There's a lot of guys who dig on Don Draper and Roger Sterling style. Just do.

    I think Ross makes a good pull on these points, also. Some of these observations are pulled as a result of Hank being kind of a douchey fella.

    Score a big one for me sir. Nicely done.

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