Warning: Small Penis Ahead

I adore Coach bags. I was drooling over a new satchel bag online and decided to go to the Coach store to view it in person. When I arrived at the store to purchase it, imagine my surprise that the bag was called a mini! It was half the size of a regular bag. I realized that a mini wouldn't do; I need a full size bag.

I meet an attractive guy and the chemistry was awesome. I thought to myself that this had the potential to turn into something. After much flirting, we finally exchanging phone numbers, and eventually the time arrived to become intimate. I went to his home and we ended up in the bedroom only to have things go downhill from there. The bed was strewn with all kinds of things (screw drivers, dryer sheets, clothes, etc.) which he then pushed on the floor. With a small amount of foreplay (he didn't like to kiss!), we stripped down. Warning!!!! He had a small penis and he was having trouble becoming aroused. He seemed to blame me because his penis was not cooperating!

What is a woman to do in this situation??? I immediately wanted to flee. I feel like men with small packages should come with a warning label. There is no way that a woman could be forewarned about this issue. Not only was his penis small, it didn't even work properly. Men can see a woman's breast size or at least get an idea, even with push up bras. A view of the butt is straightforward; what you see is what you get. However, the man's package is hidden; even if you rub up against it, the size is unknown. You have to give some room for inflation.

It gets worse. After rolling around on the bed and changing positions, I ended up sliding off the bed onto the floor. His bed was made with a flat sheet which had begun to slip of the mattress. As I sat on the floor, startled, he complained that I had fallen off the bed. Instead of helping me up, he stood behind me thumping me on top of my head with this penis! He was still attempting to make his small, floppy penis erect! I could not make this up. I pushed him back but he didn't seem to care. I was frantically thinking of a way to escape. Was I being punked???? Sitting on the floor, I grabbed my clothing and starting redressing myself. He kneeled down on the floor and tried to continue being intimate.

I've often heard the old joke that after drinking too much a man wakes up next to an ugly woman. In a panic not to wake her but desperate to get away he chews his own arm off. But what to do when your naked in bed and realize that the man's penis is miniature? How do you flee with dignity?

The worse part? The man really thought he was doing something. His small, uncooperative penis was not making an impact on me–I just wanted to go home. Then, he got up and walked into the bathroom; I threw on my clothes and quietly, quickly walked out of the front door. I never looked back.

Once I had asked him if he was good in bed, and he told me that no woman had ever complained. I joked that if it was bad could I demand compensation. I guess what I should have asked is if any woman ever returned for a repeat performance! Some things can be worked with (a bad kisser, lackluster foreplay, and even sexual moves); however, there is no way to work with a miniature package.

[Editorial note: This editor firmly disagrees with the above statement; sexual prowess is about so much more than the anatomy we can't control. There are lots of ways to bang and have sexual fun without having a big dick and nothing can make up for lousy foreplay or awful kissing, but to each their own.]

This by far has been the worse sexual experience that I have ever had. Men never seem to be deterred by the penis size. Some even try and compensate with oral sex, enhancement pills, sex toys or other ploys. However, nothing can replace the need for an actual working penis. Unfortunately, if the penis is a mini I don't know what can help that.

Needless to say, this is one phone number that I have blocked on my phone. What I learned from this experience is that I need a full size and not a mini.