EXIT only – No Admittance, No Anal

Anal Sex
Anal Sex
Courtesy of good ol' Reddit

Over the years I have encountered several men that have expressed an interest and desire in anal sex.  Admittedly, I of course don't see the interest.  I have read articles that say that it is supposed to be an amazing orgasm for women, but who really wrote those articles? I want to read the reverse side of women that have experienced it and weren't so impressed. There are always two sides to every issue. Where is the devil's advocate that tells the down sides of having anal sex?  I can think of one right off the bat, stretching out of the anal muscles that keep a person from defecating on themselves.  Another downside would be allowing a man to penetrate you in the most private area and the experience ends badly. Although that isn't my main concern.

Some of the men that have expressed an interested can't get and/or keep an erection.  Which leads me to wonder, are those latent homosexual feelings disguised by doing it with a female? There is so much information these days about erectile dysfunction and various products that increase performance in men.  There are pills, creams, penis rings, pumps, and positions all designed with the express purpose of getting a man's penis hard enough to make it to the finish line. A man can't get his penis to work for the vagina but magically offered the anus and it works perfectly?  This makes no sense at all.

It seems that men always want to have a woman in multiple positions and have is penis in all of her available openings (mouth, vagina and anus) but he isn't open to the same experiences.  I know men that freak out when people even joke about going near their anal cavity, yet have no problem encouraging a woman to take it up the ass.  I know how unfulfilled I have felt at having a bad vaginal sex and then end up having horrible anal sex too!?!  Some experiences cannot be undone.  What happened to taking pride in performing well in the bedroom and pleasing your partner as well? Although sometimes a man could have an off day, a bit stressed and the equipment doesn't finish the job.  Back in the day, a man would be upset about that.  These days, a man is so nonchalant about it.  Obviously, the issue must be in the women or maybe he just needs a new sexual thrill to perform. I have only met one woman who admitted out loud that she wanted and enjoyed anal sex. The rest of the women that I spoke to just weren't interested.

Have we become a society so focused on sexual gratification and new experiences that any and everything goes? There are open relationships/marriages, threesomes, swingers and more. In this day of Hepatitis C, herpes, AIDS/HIV and more that can only be controlled but not eradicated with medications do we really need to go buck wild sexually? Years ago, two people started a relationship and were together for a lifetime. Nowadays, relationships are tossed away many times over in the elusive search for something more, something magical, something lasting.

I for one, cannot conceive to being that open in a relationship where I don't know that I will be spending the rest of my life with this person. There are some experiences and memories that cannot be erased. I will freely and proudly admit that I am somewhat a prude, I think my future life and health are well worth it. I am not belittling anyone that is open to those types of activities, far from it. The current and previous trends in erotica books (turned movies) such as Zane and Fifty Shades of Gray, allow a safe outlet for fantasies. Admittedly, I do become aroused by the words flying across the page and the outrageous antics of the characters in the stories. After reading several sections or the whole book, I want to roll over and try some of those things with my partner. I want to reach those amazing orgasms and feel free sexually in and out of the bed. Unfortunately, I just can't turn off the rational part of my brain. I work in a career that I come into contact with men, women and sometimes new-born babies that are now burdened with diseases that cannot be cured. No matter what we may think, we never really know all the sexual secrets of the partners that are currently intimate with. Nor are all diseases transmitted from just traditional sex, but kissing and oral sexual contact as well. During my work, I've encountered people who have gotten yeast infections of the mouth that have spread into teeth with cavities and cause massive problems. Most parents are aware of thrush in babies, which is essentially a yeast infection. However, in adults it goes undetected until medical problems start to arise.

I guess I know too much medical information to ever let the prude out. More power to those who experience those sexual exploits, I will continue to live vicariously through books and movies.

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I am a single woman with an empty nest living in Atlanta. I have a professional career that I thoroughly enjoy. I am reentering the dating pool with a bit of humor and great deal of trepidation.

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  1. Holy crap (to stay anally themed), I cannot believe what I am reading here. I hardly know where to start commenting.

    First of all if you’re dating men who want to experience all your openings and aren’t open to try some things themselves for your pleasure try to be a better gatekeeper. A guy that wants a lady to do everything for him but doesn’t want to reciprocate is a jerk and he is probably a jerk in more areas than just sex. Get rid of him.

    Continuing on the poor decision path. “I know how unfulfilled I have felt at having a bad vaginal sex and then end up having horrible anal sex too!?!” If the vaginal sex is bad don’t have anal sex with the guy. It’s not that difficult. What would be your motivation for doing that? Anal sex is for most more complicated than vaginal sex. Either get someone who is good at it or if you really like/love the guy help him get better at vaginal sex first. If someone almost drowns in the shallow pool you don’t let him go in the deep no matter what he says. That doesn’t make any sense.

    “Years ago, two people started a relationship and were together for a lifetime.” You sound like you are nostalgic for these days? People stayed together for a lifetime because they didn’t have much of a choice for the most part, especially women. Going back a bit further a lot of women died during childbirth. It isn’t much of a challenge to stay together for a lifetime if one in three women don’t live beyond their child bearing years. More recent but presumably still in the ‘years ago’ period you speak of people who were unhappy with their partner choice stayed together because they would be chastised by their families, communities and/or their church if they would chose for their own happiness and get a divorce. They woman would often get blamed for the failed marriage and become a social pariah. Women were more often than not financially dependent and had no choice but to stay with their husbands no matter what they wanted. My opinion is that in a lot of, if not most cases it is better to choose for your happiness. If a man or a woman thinks he or she would be happier by breaking off a relationship I think that’s a much better idea than staying together just to be together a lifetime. I like it much better that more people have more choices nowadays. One of the partners dying is not necessarily a criterion for a successful relationship.

    “I have only met one woman who admitted out loud that she wanted and enjoyed anal sex. The rest of the women that I spoke to just weren’t interested.” That’s nice. I have met quite a few women that don’t like anal sex. I have met quite a few women that don’t care for it that much but like it every once in a while when very horny. I have met quite a few women who like anal sex a lot. And I have met some women who either prefer it to vaginal sex or like it so much that for them having sex pretty much means also having anal sex. What does this mean? Not all that much really. Because both our stories are anecdotal and they are coloured by a bunch of factors. Perhaps women sense that you are somewhat of a prude and therefor tend to stay away from statements like “I really like a dick up my ass twice a week or so.” Who knows?

    “I will freely and proudly admit that I am somewhat a prude, I think my future life and health are well worth it.” I think most people who got this far already had a pretty good idea that you are somewhat of prude. More power to you for owning it. Of course you get to make decisions about your life and health. Also what type of relationship you want to be in, what you think would make you happy and what you want your sex life to be. However everything has risks. Even a monogamous relationship, with only the pastor-seal-of-approvement-carrying missionary position sex that of course is only for reproduction and not at all for fun or pleasure has its inherent risks. An open relationship in a lot of cases might have more risks than a monogamous one. Having anal sex for some or perhaps a lot of people probably is riskier than only having vaginal sex. But life cannot be lived without risks. You take a risk when you plan a vacation to visit Peru. You take a risk when you get some money from the ATM after 2 AM. You take some risk when you let a new friend in your life and home. Risks are everywhere. They are part of life. Also for sex and relationships. Everyone one has to determine for themselves how much risk they find acceptable to be (sexually) gratified. To use hobbies as a metaphor, you might be more of a person who plays with trains. It’s fun, it’s safe, you can get a lot out of it and there are more than enough people who like to play with trains like you do. Nothing wrong with it. There are other people who like to go rock climbing or off-piste skiing or want to go in to space. There is nothing wrong with that either. To each their own.

    To wrap this extremely tedious comment up I go to your most outrageous and offensive statement. The one that got my feathers rattled the most. And that I truly find offensive towards all people who enjoy anal sex, men with erectile dysfunctions and pretty much all gay men. “Some of the men that have expressed an interested [in anal sex] can’t get and/or keep an erection. Which leads me to wonder, are those latent homosexual feelings disguised by doing it with a female?” Wanting sex with a woman and getting hard for her body, no matter what part, doesn’t sound very gay to me no matter what orifice is desired. Gay men have mouths to, does that mean that if your date gets harder for thinking of you giving him a blowjob than he does when he is thinking of vaginal sex with you that he has some lingering homosexual feelings also?

    Most, if not all gay man don’t get hard thinking of a the asshole of a woman. If a closet case has sex with a woman there is a good chance he just thinks of Hugh Jackman or whoever turns him on and wants to get it over with as fast as he can. Going anal then isn’t the best option. It often takes more time convincing the lady, it takes more time to get her aroused to the level that it can be performed properly, often the fucking can’t be done as fast. Just seems like a lot of trouble just to cover up your gayness for yourself and perhaps others. If you can get in and out of the vagina quite swiftly if you would want to why not just do that.

    And it isn’t like anal is the be-all and end-all for every gay man. The anus isn’t some magical body part that you can stick on anything to get a gay men interested and hard. A gay man likes men. Also there are quite large percentages of gay men that don’t penetrate anally or don’t get penetrated anally at all and have fulfilled sex lives doing all other kinds of things. Also I have never heard of or read about these men you speak of that don’t get hard for a vagina but do get hard of the asshole of a woman. If there is any research done on this phenomenon please refer me to it. I’m very interested to get more educated on the topic.

    Well I’m done blabbing for now. All the luck to you finding the guy who likes trains as much as you do. Also a little disclaimer. English is not my first language and I wrote this up in a hurry. Please forgive me for any grammar and spelling errors and poorly structures sentences.

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