Here is one of the biggest questions of all – Do men even know how to relate? The answer to this question could easily go in more than one direction. It's important to keep in mind that when it comes to romance and relatioships men and women relate in different ways, because they are wired to be different.
For a man to ‘relate' to his lover, he needs to share some activities with her. This is the way a man relates to you because that is how they relate to themselves. On the other hand, women are looking for another way of relating. Women want to talk, women want to feel connected with their man by sharing their thoughts, ideas, worries, fears, etc. If a woman doesn't have the chance to express all of her emotions with you, she feels ALONE in the relationship. She won't be able to be vulnerable with her man when he comes around and wants to be physically intimate. I know many men would prefer to tell their girlfriends to go ahead and call a female friend to talk or discuss things with instead of having to listen to her ramble on himself. Well guys, let me tell you something, that is the WRONG WAY to handle your girl. She already knows she could share her thoughts with her female friends if she wants to and in fact probably already did it. But that is not the point; the point is that she is trying to connect with YOU since it is with you with whom she has a relationship. So don't send her to her friends just so you can have your own selfish space. That will damage her and the relationship will bear the signs.
For a man it can be hard to sit down and listen to our pain and our discombobulated thoughts. That's understandable because men are made for action and for problem-solving. A man's natural instinct is to read into our problem after 30 seconds and start looking for a logical solution. It's boring for him to listen to our darkness or complaints about life without him. He wants to get to the point and fix it as if it were an oil change. What men don't understand is that when women talk between themselves, they connect with each other by what I call ‘being critical about everything'. We like to talk about all the things that don't work and all the things that confuse us so. To put it another way, women communicate what they want by telling you what they don't want. Pay attention to how your girl communicates with you. How many times have you said to her, Why don't you just tell me what you want instead of telling me what you don't want??? Sound familiar? If you're a man with any experience of women and you are reading this blog you would probably agree with me. So next time she tells you what she doesn't want, try reading into it to decipher what it is she really wants.
Men also need to understand that the more they can relate to a woman's needs, the better chances they have of getting laid. So learn! Remember guys, if she is happy you, you will reap the rewards her body has to offer. If she feels left alone she will make your time difficult and not be inclined to ‘reward' you.
So that's a little secret that goes a long way: If men can learn to be a little less self-centered and become a little more thoughtful toward his woman, everything will run smoother. Just listen. No fixing. No solutions. Just look her in the eyes and connect and ask questions. The counter-intuitive payoff is that she'll probably give you more of your own space cuz she'll find you so much more satisfying. Just try it a few hours a day, k?
For more information about my work or for a private consultation about your home situation, please email me at [email protected]. or visit me at www.elenaburnett.com
Elena was born and raised in Paris, France. At the age of 12 her parents (from southern Spain) decided to relocate the family to Madrid, where Elena lived for the following 15 years.
During this time Elena was subjected to both physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her parents. Her challenges continued into her relationships.
In1994 she lost her boyfriend to cancer. She took this as a sign to move as far away from her pain as possible, taking her to the Carribean and South America before ending up in Miami. Here is where she began all sorts of odd jobs for survival, from hawking cigars on Ocean Blvd to failed attempts as a Burlesque dancer. Life in Miami ushered in a rich 20-year period during which she have the opportunity to work with all types of men and women from all walks of life.
Soon Elena found herself very attuned to the trials and crises of men, as men felt comfortable enough to share their deepest feelings with her, without turning into something competitive. It was along this path of self-discovery that Elena started gaining a deeper knowledge and addition to the answers to all her frustrations and disappointments about men and the intimate relationships.
Elena has since embarked on the study of metaphysical art for a period of 10years, Buddhism for 3 years, aikido for14 years and an intense five year course in communication strategies and relationship. She has also done 10 years of research on the development of men, as a way to complement the answers she already acquired during her soul searching.
Elena's approach to relationship coaching is based on communicating what you want and don't want in a healthy way.
She has given consultations on relationship and dating issues to men and women for more than 15 years.
Elena provides the right tools and tips to navigate the dating arena and /or improve your relationship. Elena is specialized in helping women between the ages of 18 to 40 to understand the hearts and minds of men.
Elena’s work can be seen and followed at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach, on Spanish-language television stations Univision, Mundo Fox , the Hammer Jackson Radio show as well as Univision Radio station K-Love 107.5 , where she is a reoccuring guest. Her first book on relationships is to be published in English and Spanish in Summer 2013.
Elena also speaks French, Spanish, English and Italian