Sex in your thirties is like going to the dentist: before getting there, you worry about suffering… but when you come out you’re all giggles.

Does anyone actually like getting older? There are things in life that can get really better as you grow of age. Sex is one such thing! Here are ten things that you’re bound to experience in your thirties as your sexual identity matures.

1. You already know what works for you

The best thing about having sex in your thirties is how you likely have already gone through all the experimental stages of sex. You already know what works for you and what gets your motor running. Now start focusing on perfecting your proverbial craft rather than trying desperately to come to terms with your hormones like all young ones have to.

2. Instructing your partner comes naturally

Whereas sex in the teens and twenties is mostly a matter of trial and error mish-mashed with flurried personal insecurities, in your thirties you’ll likely go about things differently. You now feel more comfortable discussing your wants and needs specifically, and it no longer feels awkward to outright instruct your sex partner. After all, it’s your body and you know it better than anyone else does!

3. Sex is no longer just a drunken afterthought

Remember when most of your first-time fornications were often something that happened as an afterthought to being drunk? Oh, those good old college days! With older age comes a richer understanding, and you actually start enjoying having sober sex. In fact, you may sometimes realise you prefer having sex when you’re sober, since it helps you connect with your partner…

4. You learn to value intimacy over sex

That’s right, when you push past your thirties, you actually start valuing intimacy more than the mere carnal release that comes from casual sex. You still like going wild every once in awhile, but at this point you know the best sexual experiences will happen when there’s a real connection between the participants. You start working towards a connection just as hard as you work to get into the pants of your lover.

5. Realizing that talent trumps looks

When you were young and full of grace, you used to put all the emphasis on how “hot” a person would be. If they looked good to you, you know they’d do the trick. Well, now you’re older and you realise that “doing the trick” takes talent more than it takes good looks. You learn to appreciate technique and finesse even more than you appreciate a fine booty.

6. You accept your body and live with it

This is probably one of the best things about having sex in your thirties: at this point, you are much more comfortable with your body than ever before. The concept of physical shame starts fading away as you come to terms with your body. This gives you confidence and makes your sensuality run deeper than your image, adding depth to your sexual satisfaction.

7. Choosing a good night’s sleep over random booty calls

At some point in your thirties, you’re likely to start rolling your eyes at the prospect of unannounced booty calls. What used to always feel exciting and adventurous now will sometimes feel like a waste of a good night’s sleep – especially if you have to wake up early to go to work.

8. You redefine what “exploring new grounds” means

Once upon a time, being sexually adventurous involved having sex with different people in different places. In your thirties, though, having outdoors sex will sometimes look like an unnecessary adventure. When you think of exploring new grounds, you now think of trying new positions and sex toys that will further improve how well you understand and enjoy your body.

9. You realize how being patient can be very rewarding

As you grow older you always realise how the best things in life comes to those who are patient, and this philosophy naturally seeps into your sex life. You start valuing foreplay more, as well as courtship and affection. Only fools rush in, and you’re now a bit wiser in your approach to sex.

10. Sex is just as interesting as it ever was

If you’re still young and worry that sex won’t be as interesting when you’re past thirty, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Sex tends to get more interesting as you get older, more skillful and in peaceful terms with your body. You may lose out on some of that original excitement, but you will get a much richer and refined experience.

A word from the Expert

“As we grow older, we experience changes in our bodies and in our lives that may affect how we view and experience intimacy. These changes gives us endless opportunities to explore our sexual selves and each other in a variety of ways. During the teen years everything is new. In your twenties you're getting more practice. By the time you're in your 30s, you may have a better understanding of what pleases you, and as you get older you gain a more in-depth understanding of how to reach new sexual heights; the possibilities are endless.

This is only likely to happen if you allow yourself to evolve. Otherwise, you may continue to live within a sexual box that limits your true potential. When you're older, sex can be just as provocative and intoxicating, as when you were younger. It's really up to you. Don't believe the media hype. No matter the age, sexuality is always relevant.”

Noni Ayana M.Ed. Sex and Relationship Expert

Are you a thirty-something who can you relate to the points detailed here? I’m glad to see you’ve come to terms with your sensuality… keep it up! For anyone out there reading this who worries that pushing thirty will send you downhill as far as carnal matters are concerned… don’t be afraid! You might just find that sex keeps getting better as you mature.

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Posted by Lucy Clarke