One of the main things I hear from women on the dating front is, “Where are all the men?!?” Women today want to know why men have become wishy washy little capricious flimsy globs of indecisiveness. Ouch.
The problem is not that men are intentionally indecisive; it’s that they are clueless about what they are doing. Most guys defer the decisions to their lady, because they think that is what their woman want. They think it makes her feel empowered. They think it shows they are equal in their partnership. Their sole underlying aim is just to make her happy. Sadly, however, this tactic hurts both parties in the relationship.
When a woman wants a man, she wants a rock, a solid and strong man to be the center of her hurricane. Not a “wussifried” subservient little toady. One quick way to quash this problem is actually very simple…
MAKE A DECISION!
That’s it. Easy, right?
How many times have you had that moment when your lady asks,”So what do you want to do tonight?” And you, thinking you are being open and deferential, say, “Oh, I don’t know, what would YOU like to do?” Then you two bounce this responsibility football back and forth till she’s ready to punch you in the sack and scream, “Make a decisioooon!”
Here’s how you avoid that ping-pong fiasco:
Never repeat the question. That puts all the onus on her. Instead, you man up, make a decision, and offer it to her. You can even offer multiple options, but make a decision. It gives her something to work with. She is looking for you to be the man that can make decisions, be a leader, and take a course of action. Then she can decide for herself if you are the kind of man she wants to follow or not. Now it is her choice. If you relinquish your own power of choice to her, you emasculate yourself and force all the responsibility on her. She has enough crap to worry about in her own life, and making up your mind is not on her to-do list, trust me.
So, when she asks, “What do you want to do tonight?” You say something like, “I heard about this great BBQ place. I’ve been wanting to check it out. Let’s go have some BBQ tonight.” She’ll reply, “Oh that sounds good, honey…”
Now, wait for it…2, 3, 4…
“But ya knoooow, I read about this great little sushi place that just opened up. I’ve really been wanting to try it.”
And here, gentlemen is where you either Rock and Roll, or Dive!, Dive!, Dive!…
If you hold fast, thinking you are being strong, declaring, “No! I said BBQ, and I meant BBQ!” – you will be spending a very lonely night covered in BBQ sauce and tears.
But, if you valiantly man up and say, “Hmm, sushi, you say? Well, I heard about that place too, and you know, that actually sounds pretty good, Sweetie. We can try BBQ another time. Let’s go get our sushi on!” – you will more than likely be a recipient of some sake-fueled, Samurai style lovin’ from a woman who knows she has herself a real man.
So get out there, and make those decisions, fellas! And don’t worry, she’ll let you know if you’re wrong.
- Spike Spencer, The Dating Sage
Go on, be strong.
The “Dating Sage,” Spike Spencer, is an internationally known public speaker, actor, voice over talent, and a Foodie of the first magnitude. He is also a self-published author, with thousands of books sold. For the past 6 years, Spike has been speaking in his humorous “Don’t Kill Your Date (and Other Cooking Tips)” panel at conventions around the world. Thousands have enjoyed his talks about dating, relationships, and “being a man,” using cooking, adventure, and self improvement as his mediums. At some of these appearances, Spike actually cooks for the crowd. Spike is currently in production on the TV pilot of his "Don't Kill Your Date (and Other Cooking Tips)" cooking/dating talk show, and writing the companion book, of the same title.
The DKYD concept derives from a very real desire to help guys become better MEN, spurred by Spike’s own personal story of divorce tragedy, bankruptcy, love lost, and re-emergence into the dating world. Through Spike’s “field research” - dating triumphs and tragedies, crazy experiences, PUA studies, and learning to really listen to women and build a strong successful relationship- Spike is the straight guy women can count on to help them translate their needs to their men. Spike uses cooking, a very real and popular way to expand a man’s arsenal of desirable traits, to help men attract the woman of their dreams, just like Spike has done!
You can contact the Dating Sage at [email protected]