Perhaps you’re sitting down at the bar, with a friend, and going on about how all men suck and need to be snipped. Perhaps you’re taking in the working single mothers of the night professing that the best type of woman is the one you can pay fifty bucks, get your rocks off and never see her again. However, it’s likely you’re at neither of those extremes and that you’re somewhere in the middle. You’re tired of being single, you’re tired of playing the game, or being played. It’s okay, we all get there. Even at the height of my dating I began to have doubts as to whether the whole business of dating and mating was really all that I’d made it out to be.
What’s my point? Dating sucks, but I want you to remember that there are nuggets (not pooh nuggets) to take from the relationships that eventually drive you to date in the first place.
I’ve heard it said that the number of exes one possesses is simply an indicator that tells a person: “Wow, you fail at relationships n’ stuff.” Sure, an ex points to a relationship that didn’t work out; a failure, really. That’s okay, though. At least a person is taking a chance to succeed or to strike out, which is a lot more than some people are willing to attempt themselves.
If you could sit back, turn off the porn and put away your meth and booze, could you find a few moments of peace and quiet? Could you sit back and think on lovers past and learn something from each of them?
- Janet taught me that I could be loved.
- Brenda taught me greater appreciation for food, culture, and patience… and always watch your back.
- Emma taught me to stand up for myself and not let people walk all over me, even though she wasn’t trying to… She sort of taught by example.
- Lena, even though I was never with her, taught me that the faint of heart never wins the girl…
- Melissa inadvertently taught me that I don’t need to change who I am to be with anyone…
- Annette taught me about vegetarianism, Flight of the Conchords, even more patience and being okay with walking away when you know it's over…
Lessons in Love and Failure…
There’s a few other lessons that I keep to myself, though. I look at the lessons above. Some were from relationships that were and some that never came to be. It doesn’t make me sad. I don’t feel like a failure; I feel like I’ve learned a lot and that I’ve evolved quite a bit.
As many of you know, I have a girlfriend. As far as I’m concerned, she’s the last one I’ll ever have. She’ll be the last of many things. That’s a powerful thing to say, I think and I mean that down deep.
Were it not for my myriad failures in relationships I wouldn’t be where I am right now. That may seem a no brainer to you; however, it’s those failures that allowed me to search deep within and find nuggets of wisdom. Failure helped me prepare for this relationship I’m in now.
Certain arguments would have caused me to walk away ten years ago. Some things that get said to me, used to cause me to lash out in anger, whereas I can take a breath, calm the f*ck down, stand up for myself and get over it. I always speak my mind without fear of the consequences. That is, if something is bothering me I can talk about it, rather than bottle it up. I’m not calling people fat ass now. What kind of dick do you take me for?
Now it’s your turn. Take some time, think about your past lovers and share what you learned and how it’s helped you through the years, in the comments below.