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Marriage. Now With More Beans

Marriage.  When I think of it, I almost instantly think of Al and Peg Bundy.  When I think of them, I laugh and then I snap back to reality, quickly dismissing the institution of marriage.  I know that I think of marriage in a way that isn't consistent with what the majority of people see it as.  Why does marriage make me curl up into the fetal position?Marriage scares the living $#!+ out of me.  I've seen enough marriages go bad and fail and get really ugly and people who were once in love become bitter “poke your eyes out” enemies.  It's truly a sad, sad thing and I hate seeing it.  Don't get me wrong, I've seen successful marriages, but it's the bad ones that I seem to remember.  My mom was single when I was growing up and she never really spoke ill of marriage, but she also didn't glamorize or romanticize it so I never felt it was a priority to go and get married.

Here I am in my thirties and never married.  I sometimes get crap from my family about it all, not being married and such.  My aunt thinks I should settle down and get serious and my mom wants some grand kids… You know, the good stuff.   I've learned to deal with it, my family means well.  I think some of them just want to know if I'm gay or not.  I think there are some that have money on it all, but I digress.

I've grown to think of marriage as a restraining institution, a sort of prison.  I'm a freebird, people, not one to be tied down.  Sometimes I think of what Red said, in Shawshank Redemption.

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are just too bright… and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice…

Recent Thanksgiving dinner's a friend's place have shown me that my logic is flawed.  I've spent my last two Thanksgiving dinners with my friend, Malissa Coury's (MissC) family.  Malissa's folks are pretty awesome people, who have made a good life for themselves.  I don't measure that statement by what they have materially, but by the people that they surround themselves with.  They have a pretty amazing family and it's always a treat to be around them all.  Every family has their struggles and tribulations to contend with and so does the Coury brood.  What I find remarkable is just how together Malissa's parents are, Ron and Linda.  They are rooted in a strong Christian foundation and, while I am not a religious person, I see where there beliefs have enriched their lives. It makes a person think twice about their beliefs, I feel.

I thought to myself that Ron and Linda share the sort of marriage that I would want for myself… I think that's when I realized that someday I do want to be married.  Someday, just not today or the next one after that.  Marriage doesn't have to be this prison like institution, like the vision I keep in my head… How to make a marriage successful is a whole other article.  However, my eyes were opened this holiday season.

It also doesn't hurt that they make a pretty fantastic Thanksgiving feast and just awesome company.

Author profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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