Welcome to part deux of my interview with Pablo Pappano the film maker behind ‘Clicking for Love, ‘ a documentary about online dating, mating and how to fashion your own Ninja throwing stars (okay, maybe he didn't talk about ninja throwing stars, but they're sooo cool!)
In part one of our interview, the thing that I came away with that really got my attention about online daters is their propensity to seek out the same people and same types of relationships online that they did in real life; in person. Essentially, it's not necessarily the internet that sends crazies toward the people who find them online; it's the pattern of behavior; the failure to learn to do the opposite of what they've always done. That said, let's see what else Pablo has to say about online mating and dating!
Alex: Did you find it hard to the footage that you took of the guy getting shot down (Ali)? I tell you, it was tough for me! I don't need any reminders of my pathetic online/IRL dating record. It made me cringe, Pablo.
Pablo Pappano: (laughs) It was like deja vu. I've had that experience so many times. You have a relationship before you met them through emails and phone calls and all that stuff. You feel like you know them and you go meet them and you just don't work well in person. Ali, it happened to him on his date, I've experienced and so have a lot of other people who have dated online. It shows how men and women misinterpret things when they text, email or chat online; there's no substitute for the real thing.
Alex: Did you learn any interesting stats about online dating while making this movie?
Pablo Pappano: Finding stats was difficult; it was just plain hard to find credible information. A lady who worked for Match said that they have 15 million people, but only 1 million are paying members. I found that one match making company would send out employees to go on dates with their members, to bolster their site's dating pool! Companies seem to play loose with their numbers, so you're not getting the real numbers that they tell you in their advertisements!
Men and women misinterpret things when they text, email or chat online; there’s no substitute for the real thing.
Alex: Which company sent employees on dates with their members!? Dish it, man!
(Pablo's iron look and ninja like reflexes are telling me there's not going to be an answer to that question that escapes his lips.)
Alex: Did you come across any Dating Coaches, Professional Wing People, or Pickup Artists while filming? If so, what did you think of them?
Pablo Pappano: (laughs) The interesting thing I found out about dating coaches is how much they bitch and moan about each other. It's really quite funny. Dating Coaches like Evan Marc Katz will reshape a person's profile. Sometimes it's not always the most accurate representation of who a person is. However, the job of a Dating Coach is to make their clients look great and cover up less desirable traits. There was one story a dating coach told me. His client was a Neo Nazi. Instead of stating that, the date coach instead described the client as an avid fan of World War II history. They help people design their online profiles, take pics of you and help you with your wardrobe and make you attractive to a ton of people. Andy went to a matchmaker and they seemed to match him with similar people that he met in real life. Was there value there for him? It's a different experience for everyone.
Alex: So are you in a relationship? Did you guys Click to Find Love?
Pablo Pappano: Yes I am and yes we did! We met on E-Harmony and we have been together for over two years. I've thought about marriage with her. We've talked about it, and she's younger and going to school. I think she needs to finish school before we decide anything. I just want to take it one day at a time and see where things go. Her family is pretty conservative; and generally tend to marry right out of high school and get a family started right away. For me, I'm taking it slow and seeing where things go.
Alex: Do you have any parting words of wisdom for our readers who might date online?
Pablo Pappano: Temper the level of honesty in your information, but you don't want to be dishonest. If you're too honest, you won't find anyone… You have to balance the truth with what is fake. Don't set your expectations so high. Be casual, don't put pressure on yourself. Ask yourself if this is someone I can have a good conversation with, even if they aren't a perfect 10 to you. You'll have the most fun if you do!
Oh and CL (Craigslist) is a whole other realm of weirdness… I mean, really.
Pablo Pappano went to the film school at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles where he directed the short films Sick (narrative) and Trinidad (documentary). He was a co-writer of the film Creepshow III for the segment titled “The Call Girl” for Taurus Films. Recently, Pablo directed a speculative commercial for eHarmony.com after being a longtime member. He currently works as the Vice President of Operations at his family’s exterior maintenance company and spends his free time pursuing his dream of making films.