Technology has made our lives easier and with respect to meeting people for a date, it's been a boon in some ways while massively frustrating in others. Online dating is a completely different landscape. You're being judged every second on any number of critera.
So when it comes first impressions, first messages are your best chance to make a great first impression. That said, here are a few tips on what NOT to message:
The short “Hey” “Hi” or “How are you doing?”
And any derivative of that. I roll my eyes whenever I come across a message like this. A girl immediately views this as a very typical and conventional conversation starter. Think about it. Out of all the things you could talk about in a profile that she put out, you decided to completely ignore everything (not intentionally) and take the easy cop-out of a message (she perceives). If you don’t take the time to start out strong, how are you going to expect that you’re going to catch a girl’s attention as strong?
The overly lengthy message.
On the other side of the spectrum, you don’t want to refer to her profile as exceedingly either. There’s a fine line between enthusiastically interested and creepy.
Anything that sounds remotely like a mass text.
Sounds like, “Hey__, I looked at your profile and it looked amazing. I’m ___ from ___. I like to __ & __. I would love to get to know you better.” (You know what I’m talking about…The ones you ‘copy and paste’ & sent to 15 girls all at once).
Pickup lines can be cute. However, this approach exists on a very unforgiving spectrum. So avoid any pick-up lines that involve your mini-man friend and any of his pals. Just stop it!
Request for more pictures.
This will turn off a girl immediately. Just stop it.
Anything that emphasizes ONLY HER LOOKS.
See it’s all about individuality (or portrayal of it). Compliment her appearance AND something about her personality, hobbies, etc that you GENUINELY appreciate.
Second, third messages.
Better to wait it out then send another text. There have been plenty of times that my lingering desire of replying to a guy quickly evaporated. Because he could. Not. Wait.
Resumes or paraphrases of resumes.
This can be perceived as overcompensation in that your appeal rests on credentials. That’s great and all but it can be a little showy. Display your more universal and dimensional appeals: humor, wit, and charm.
I’ll stop there. But if you follow these guidelines, chaps, even if you don’t score an immediate date, you’ll at least be able to maintain a conversation online and not be rejected from the onset.
Sarah Suhaimi practices 명음 by day and the art of dark chocolate bar swindling by night. She is currently working closely with a local Pittsburgh non-profit that serves sex-trafficked victims, Living in Liberty, as a volunteer and grant proposal writer. She founded the Southeast Asian Student Alliance (SEASA) at her university, and, as well, the "Offer Islam Campaign." Her works vary from prose to poetry to articles. Her published works include, ‘The Home of an Immigrant’s Daughter’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2012 Dublin Biennial, Dublin, Ireland and ‘Hidden Beauty Reveals Itself (Intellect Vs Instinct)’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2011 Florence Biennale VIII, Florence, Italy.