I've gotten back into the swing of dating again. It's been fun and certainly not anywhere disaster-like. That said, I've been on a lot of ‘first dates.' That is, whether by hook or by crook or my inability to not be a creep, romance has not sprung from these dates. Was it the creep factor? Could it be as simple as something I said? More than likely. But this line of thought got me thinking. I mean, really, really thinking. I don't really think before I speak and the thing about that is once the words leave your mouth, you can't control what the world does with it.
With this in mind I went through my myriad dates and tried to think of things I may have said that did me no favors. I do this for YOU people, so that you can learn and not be a complete fucking shit head out there in the dating world.
“I like your robust shoulders…”
Said by no guy ever to a woman he's out on a date with. I don't know that, that cost me any points… Actually who am I kidding? Of course it did. That's an asshole thing to say! Why would you ever say something to make a woman feel more “manish?” Honorable don't-mentions: To her: “Your hands are SO big!” and “Those are some banana fingers you have there, girl.” Yep. Avoid calling attention to heroically proportioned parts of a woman's body. She knows already.
Just don't. Anything having to do with your ex should be kept out of the conversation. Period. I mean, period. No good can come from it; re-hashing the past isn't constructive when you're out with someone you're trying to move forward with. That makes sense, doesn't it? Well, I've made this misstep recently. I was on a date and made mention twice. My date was an 8th grade teacher and I blurted, without blinking “Oh, my ex is a teacher, too.” Who gives a fuck? Certainly not your date, brochacho. There's a lot of ways for a woman to read that. Typically they assume you haven't checked your baggage yet. And don't ask about their ex either. Your date likely doesn't want to talk about their ex, even if they happen to still be friends. What? Are you fucking mad? Stop that shit, son! A sure way to not get to date number 2.
“I'm so this, that and the other…”
No one likes a braggart. That's what this bit is supposed to articulate. Now, I don't talk much about the things I do; I don't talk about this blog or how good or bad I am at my job. I don't like to brag and I feel like I do have a few things that I can go on about. But if I tell a person I'm successful, am I really telling that person, or am I reassuring myself? I was on a date with a gal who couldn't shut up about her comedy career and how funny her friends says she is. No doubt the gal was funny, but she was trying. Hard. I'm a joker myself and I can recognize when someone is trying too hard. She trumped-up her site that got almost 2,000 views the other day… And, for her, that's good. But, still, it's bragging; and it comes off as desperate to impress. the Urban Dater clears that figure daily, easily. But, you know what? There are sites that do that number in hours, minutes etc. Sure, it's good, but I don't need to tell the whole world about it. If you believe you're awesome, you don't need to tell people about it. They'll get it quickly enough.
“Talking about your friends and your job… All the times…”
I can get obsessive with my work. I'll have vexing problems I'm trying to figure out and sometimes these problems follow me on dates. It gets to the point where I “rubber duck” my date; telling them about the problem I'm trying to solve and what I'm doing about it. More times than not my date will tune out, they don't really care or know about the work I do. Nor should they, at least not yet. But I've been on the other end of that. Some women just can't stop going on about their work, or their friends. Yes, you love what you do and, sure, your friends are the most amazing group of besties you'd consider having an orgy with (can I watch?) but, seriously, I don't give a fuck. I give a fuck about the woman sitting right there in front of me. What motivates her, where her mind wanders, where she comes from etc.
It's easy to get lost in our thoughts and the things that drive us; good conversation has a way of gently and expertly navigating from one topic to the next. Don't focus so hard on one topic. Allow things to move on. Use your questions, asshole. A little common sense and smooth detective work goes a long way on a date!