Wonder why a guy rarely calls? Wonder why women are so hesitant to send a selfie? It’s all based on my theory of parallel comfort and value, what I call the “No Call- No Pic Dichotomy.”
Law of Familiarity
Men are visual creatures. Women are verbal creatures. Hence, they each bond in preferential ways. According to several psychological studies, men bond through action while women bond through conversation. Men are more akin to texts that propose concrete action and visual prompts that would lead to such an action. They perceive, interact, connect, and bond through the concrete immediate environment.
“What are you doing right now?” “What are you seeing?” and… “What are you wearing?”
Women, in sharp contrast, rather text and build rapport before meeting up and doing concrete action. They also view the act of talking as an “action” itself. Therefore, they are more akin to talking on the phone- since it has a lot of emotional and social cues built into it.
Hence, that is why each opposite sex find the other preferential standard of bonding unfamiliar and somewhat apprehensive.
Berger from the Sex and the City, tells Carrie, “I’m leaving you a voicemail because I’m not ready for that voice-on-voice action.” Women can easily and enthusiastically call because that is there go-to interaction. Men, however, not as familiar with that medium feel apprehensive and feel “on-the-spot.” He feels like his internal and emotional inquiries are being revealed faster or further than he may feel comfortable with.
Conversely, men readily and eagerly send and request pictures because they’d appreciate the visual for one, but it also serves their current attraction on the other side of the phone. It serves their need to bond visually. Men act regularly and act in their visual vicinity frequently so sending pictures is of no weight. Women, on other hand, are very choosey on who they choose to send any technological visual cue whatsoever. Who knows what will happen with my innocently (or not innocently) candid pictures?
Law of Aversion
Understanding this concept, women have a lot in their arsenal. If you simply want to push a guy away or want to combat the “booty” text (not call), ask him to call you on the phone to have a conversation. He might cringe from the effort he has to expend now (emotional energy, listening, conversing, and engaging).
Note: If a guy really is into you, he will want to “adapt” to the women socialized dynamic more and enjoy talking on the phone with you. He will invest more.
Law of Attraction
Conversely, if a woman wants to spike a man’s interest almost instantaneously, send him a cute (and tasteful) selfie. You could be driving on your way to work, taking a walk, or at a fun event. When you’re rocking your cute t-shirt, Done. It’s effortless. Selfies are like flags of glittering attention. Let it fly.
Note: If a girl is not into you, she will be very hesitant to send you any picture of herself. And I’m talking about down on the line, when you’ve been seeing each other already for a while.
Technology, the Enabler and Inhibitor
Selfies and talking on the phone can all be diluted in effect when overused. If you’re talking on the phone and ONLY talking on the phone, then you lose the body language and invaluable presence of a face-to-face conversation.
Talking should be used either in building up before meeting someone for the first time or in lieu of a date, when you can’t make it that week. Prolonged phone conversations can be detracting and artificial when occurring for substantial periods of time. Additionally, no number of selfies can match your real-time face with real-time emojis. Technology needs to be the bridge in communication not the foundation itself.
How to Blur the Line
Have conversations in person. Visuals√ Emotional stimulation √
Appeals to both Laws and relies on no technology.
Sarah Suhaimi practices 명음 by day and the art of dark chocolate bar swindling by night. She is currently working closely with a local Pittsburgh non-profit that serves sex-trafficked victims, Living in Liberty, as a volunteer and grant proposal writer. She founded the Southeast Asian Student Alliance (SEASA) at her university, and, as well, the "Offer Islam Campaign." Her works vary from prose to poetry to articles. Her published works include, ‘The Home of an Immigrant’s Daughter’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2012 Dublin Biennial, Dublin, Ireland and ‘Hidden Beauty Reveals Itself (Intellect Vs Instinct)’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2011 Florence Biennale VIII, Florence, Italy.