• About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Explore Close
Menu Close

Categories

Dating & RelationshipsOnline DatingTips & AdviceRelationshipsFor MenAsidesSelfSexFor WomenOpinionDates & DetailsFeaturedUncategorizedDate IdeasSpecialAdvertDating SitesQuestions and AnswersFashionNews

Tags

DatingRelationshipsOnline DatingSexloveadvicedating advicerelationshipdating tipssinglefirst datewomenrelationship advicevalentines dayromanceFor WomendatesFor Menmenobservations

Archives

March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020
  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
  • About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

the Urban Dater

A Blog About Online Dating, Relationships & Sex

  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
Close
free dating services
NextFree Dating Services, 100% Free online Dating, Safety Dating Tips
  • Explore
  • Menu
  • Menu
Dating & RelationshipsRelationshipsSelf

The Moment

yannibmbr on August 13, 2011
Share This Article
Facebook2Tweet0Pin0
The Moment

Sometimes there's nothing to say…

It's commonly said by those bitter; by those smitten; by those naive and by all others who, frankly, annoy me, that “when you know, you know.”

Fair enough.

I agree with that generally accepted “true-ism.” You know what you know when you know it. Often this is applied to those that suddenly know the lover they carry a candle for is “the one.” That single moment in time where things just sorta makes sene.

However, that “moment” isn't reserved for just those times of joyous clarity. They, too, are applied to those other moments. You know what I'm talking about: “Oh my god, I married a drunken hobo that refuses to grow up!” Or “OMG!!! I married someone just like my dad!”  I realize that, for some, marrying someone like your dad is probably just fine. For others, that's not so fine (especially those who cry while giving BJs and lap dances at the strip club).

So what am I getting at here? Moments of clarity, folks. They don't happen often, given the mass amounts of info that assault our senses on a daily basis. It's hard to cut through the clutter; it's hard to figure out what requires our attention most. Just the other day, though, I had one of those moments.

My body had given itself to a Russian Vodka and an Herbalist that night. To be fair, I'd probably given too much of myself to these friends.  But it was on my way home that I made some realizations. I wasn't happy. In life, with myself, with my relationship and a whole host of other things.

In this moment of booze and medicinal induced clarity I knew that I was lying to myself and to my girlfriend. I knew that what we had was not for the long-haul. There's an expiration date and I didn't want to see it or think of it. Why? Because I am weak. It's not because my girlfriend isn't good enough. It's a simple fact that our directions have different paths in life. I don't want kids. She does.

Here's a little known fact, at one point, last year; we were expecting a baby. My girlfriend had become pregnant. My heart dropped. It was the last thing I'd wanted. Over the course of a few weeks, I grew to accept that I was going to be a father. I, like a good Republican backing a candidate in their own party that they hate, fell in line. I said all the right things to the right people. For my girlfriend, she couldn't have been more overjoyed. This was going to be her moment to change her life; she would have a purpose. For me, in reality, I loathed the notion of being a parent. It's not a duty I wanted. For many, children are a blessing. I am not one among the many, I'm afraid.

A mere 10 weeks into the pregnancy, my girlfriend miscarried. I was there, with her, sharing tears and gut-wrenching angst over what had happened. We grieved together. More than anything though, I felt so awful for my girlfriend. She, of anyone I know, deserves a child. She's amazing with them and would give of herself until there was nothing left and yet find ways to give more. That's who she is.  As I held her embrace and felt her crumbling… Yet I could not help but feel… relieved. I know, I know. It's absolutely terrible to say, but it's the truth. That night I told her, one day we'd try again. Again, I was weak. I lied. I wasn't strong enough to tell her “no, I don't want to try again” especially given the fact we weren't “trying” in the first place.

No. I don't want children. My girlfriend should. Our time together is ticking away… Me, I'm not spending this time with someone of a similar mind and her not spending time with someone that wants to give her what she wants.

Yet here I sit, tap tap tap and I'm not doing anything about it…. At all.

Is it just that I partook of too much drink and herb? Well, I did, but they merely helped me see the forest through the trees as I sit here, with an open and clear mind.

I had just that. A moment…

 

Signup for Our Newsletter

Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox…
Follow @theurbandater



Share This Article
Facebook2Tweet0Pin0
  • Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Relationships, Self
  • Tagged in: breakups, the moment

Posted by yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

All Posts
Leave a comment Hide comments

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Popular

  • 8 Things to Say to Your Ex Who You Still Love
  • A Girl doesn’t Text Back – Use These Texts Instead Of leaving Her Alone
  • What to Say to a Girl You Just Met
  • Men Who Give You Their Number Instead of Taking Yours. ~ Group Post.
  • 7 Tips on How to Give Your Partner Great Phone Sex
  • 3 Questions To Ask Yourself After 3 Months of Dating
  • Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?
  • How to Scratch Someone’s back
  • Seven Things You Should Be Looking For By The Fifth Date
  • Letters to Lovers Lost

Signup for Our Newsletter

Online Dating, Sex and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox...
Follow @theurbandater

Previous
Free Dating Services, 100% Free online Dating, Safety Dating Tips
August 8, 2011
Next
Cougar Mania. What's it Good For?
August 14, 2011

Let’s Socialize

  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

General Bullshit

  • About
  • Disclosure Statement
  • Legal
  • Guest Posting
  • Terms and Conditions for Contributors

Archives by Month

© 2021 the Urban Dater by DigiSavvy, Inc. — Proudly Hosted on WP Engine —
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Dating & Relationships

The Moment

by yannibmbr time to read: 3 min
Dating & Relationships Cougar Mania. What's it Good For?
Dating & Relationships Why Won't She Make Me a Sandwich? A PSA
0