Why Won't She Make Me a Sandwich? A PSA

I've often contemplated this very question...

Some of you who read this blog and tolerate my posts know that I've recently shacked up with my girlfriend of almost two years. So that's not really news anymore. What is news is, however, is that I'm still a hopeless and hapless turd of a man. No, no. Living together with my woman isn't driving me crazy, but it's teaching me some things on the fly I hadn't quite expected.

You see, living with your significant other takes a good deal of… Compromise? Yeah, that sounds right. I mean, this woman refuses to make me sandwiches on command, like I'd hoped and dreamed… Tis a true shame. I can get mad about it all I want but does that sandwich really bring me closer to my girlfriend? Is it really worth the fight? (In case you were wondering, this isn't really about sandwiches…)You've heard the phrase “pick and choose your battles.” I always disregarded that phrase and would spark battles just because. Why? Because I'm a jerk, people. That's why.

The point is that I've spent a lot of time and energy fighting battles that didn't need to be fought; battles that really served no purpose. They didn't strengthen my relationships, they didn't enlighten me and they certainly didn't make me a more respectable guy (even if fighting such battles did make me more respectable, all the snuff porn sequels I did back in the 80s would certainly negate said respectability).

Is it worth fighting for?

Kids, we're going to go through a few scenarios and see if they are worth the fight.

1. Leaving the toilet seat up – My woman falls into the stereotypical woman sisterhood  that demands a seat be left down. Personally, I love the idea of having a toilet seat that lifts upward, after using, ala How I Met Your Mom.Is this one worth fighting for? No. Just put the damn seat down, you piece of rebel scum!
   

   you wanted that sandwich lightly toasted. Right?

2. Nagging about random stuff – “Don't put so much olive oil on your food!” “You're eating THAT for lunch?” “You fold your clothes like THAT?” You know what, who gives a shit? Mind your own business! Just because you're living together doesn't mean you're trying to change each other. You're co-habitating because you, ideally, love who the other person is. Save the nagging for important stuff, like getting the clothes out of the dryer or which soft-core porn you're going to watch on Cinemax.
3. In Consideration of… – You and your lover live together. While it's not a “lock-down” it does require telling someone where you're going to be on a regular basis. I don't really see a need to do that, personally; but that's because I've only had to worry about my own living situation for the last decade. I could see this as an infringement on my ability to be a total bad ass. However, that would be dumb and would probably cost me getting laid, having that sort of attitude. Not worth the fight, tell your lover where you're gonna be and when you're coming home. It's easy… Kinda like your mama.
4. Wandering Eyes – This can be a hot button issue regardless of living situation. I'm of the mind that it's fine to let an eye wander. There's a tactful way to do it and if you do so tactfully then it's fine. But when you declare “wow, did you see the size of that guy's bulge!!?” (Never once heard a woman say this, BTW) Or “I want to bury my face in those tits!” Those are examples of things you SHOULDN'T do. Is this worth fighting about? Well, I think anything more than a tactful glance hovers around being disrespectful to your partner. So maybe yes, maybe no.
5. Break up to make up – Breakups. Still the number one reason why Trojan is in business all these years later (actually, I can't really say that's true. I made that shit up). Make up sex is well worth any fight you get into. So fight just to fight for f*ck's sake!