Taking a Dump

taking a dump
taking a dump

So this month's Insomnia Club post has to do with taking a dump, as-in getting dumped or dumping someone… Either way it's something I am well-versed in. Nobody likes getting dumped by their significant other, I mean most people don't. I can't think of anyone that wakes up and says, “hot-diggity, I hope Janice breaks my heart and beats me to death with a puppy today!!!” I know, it's ridiculous. Right? That said, getting dumped takes a little bit of preparation and the ability to live in “reality.”

The flip-side of getting dumped is, of course, dumping someone. I have friends that relish this little act of pain and agony. I always marvel at how some of my friends have dumped people with such… aplomb? It's something to marvel at from time to time. So now that I've laid it out for you all, let's get to talking about taking a dump…

A Mid-Summer Night's Squeal

It seemed a bit of a stretch that a dopey 22 year-old putz who played Magic the Gathering and masturbated to whatever was on ‘Sabado Gigante' could be in a serious relationship with a beautiful girl. She was, after all, the girl who had ‘punched my v-card.' Which, was quite nice of her to be so kind to such a dork.

We had gotten back from the movies, we hadn't kissed all night and when I tried to kiss her when we got back to her apartment, she avoided it, giving me a cheek instead. That was simply confirmation that something wasn't right in Gotham… I prodded, and my girlfriend, Christy, said nothing. Instead, she went about making dinner and turning on a movie and playing it loudly. Dinner passed, I turned off the TV. We both looked at each other, as I plopped down next to her on the couch. Then we kissed… But it was like “goodbye” if that makes any sense at all. Christy looked at me, took a deep breath and explained we couldn't date anymore… She was going to get back together with one of her ex-boyfriends… Had she cheated on me? She said she didn't (I didn't ask her, she simply offered up that bit of info) and I chose to believe her. I asked her why and she said: “Alex, look, if there wasn't anyone else, it would be you, it would definitely be you…”

I am Jack's gaping chest-hole from where my heart had been ripped.

It took time, but I managed to get over it. How? By completely shutting myself away from my ex. She wanted to be friends, I wouldn't have any of it. Truthfully, I needed time and time I got. Even a whole year later my ego was bruised and I was still raw. I wouldn't give in to Christy and be a friend… She tried following up with me, coming into my work to say hi. I ignored her. Was I being petty? Perhaps. Do I wish I handled it better? Sure… I tried briefly, but it hurt too much and knowing she wasn't mine killed me, knowing that the guy she was with was far more accomplished in life by that point also didn't help. That, kids, is what we call insecurity and it also kills. I needed to do better.

The Pre-Dump Dump

I later learned that not all dumps happen face to face. I've been dumped via email, text message, hand-written letters… At one point I half expected someone to see a smoke-signal breakup or have it done via court-order or something like that. Sometimes we just fall so hard for people who don't feel the same for us. Actually, I was just told about someone who wasn't in to me the way I was into her… I just found out two months ago, in fact. This girl in question, decided she wasn't into me more than three years ago… She never told me, but she did tell a friend of mine…

I laid it all on the line for her; told her how I felt and what I thought about her. All I got was silence in return. Literally. She stared off into space; we both did and I thought about applying to the International Committee on Awkward Moments to see if I could register that moment in their ‘Most Awkward Moment Contest for 2008.' Needless to say, we remained friends and never really did get that answer from her why she didn't feel the same way about me that I felt about her.

You know what I learned? Sometimes people just don't feel the same. They don't fit. Sometimes people are square pegs to another person's round-hole (for once I'm not trying to be perverted)… No explanation is needed. Just is. She couldn't tell me, but she could tell one of my close buddies and, he just barely told me two months ago. I reflected briefly in the beauty of that rejection. I'm not being sarcastic, but she dumped all her feelings into this friend of mine… He never told me because he promised her that he wouldn't… He waited. He waited until he saw that I was happy, that I could take it. Maybe I should be mad about it, but I'm not. He did right by me and by her. Turns out she's gonna get married next year and I found my one-and-only almost two years ago…

It's not about getting dumped, it's all about how you take a dump.

Stay tuned for more posts from my fellow Insomniacs this month and I'll post them below.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. "It’s not about get­ting dumped, it’s all about how you take a dump." – I'll never look at this sentence the same way again, haha. Very true though.

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