To Date or To Confront? That is the Question.

When I say “press the action” I don't mean taking your unmentionable parts and shoving them against your partner.  I mean, do it, but that's not what I mean by pressing the action.  Too often, at least in my own relationships, I see situations in a relationship where things go unsaid and confusion rules the day.  A good friend of mine is in this situation now.  What does pressing the action really mean, though?To me, pressing the action is taking the initiative and making things happen.  I'm not saying become a type A personality or anything.  Sometimes being aggressive is helpful in deciphering the varied mysteries that relationships can assume.

For instance, with my friend, he's not sure if his girlfriend wants to be in a relationship or not.  She says they should just be friends, but she'll do “things” with him that are not consistent with a “just friends” relationship.  So he's confused by this behavior naturally and has resigned himself to deciphering what his girlfriend is thinking and why she's doing what she's doing.

This next statement may cause a firestorm or an angry mob of women, but I'm prepared, I'm a women's mud wrestling champion dammit!  Anyway, why the f%#! should he care what she is thinking and figure out why she's doing what she's doing?  Sure, getting to the bottom of things would be nice but I think that's the wrong way to go about it.

My steps for kicking too much ass and getting to the bottom of a problem relationship:

  1. Communicate – Simple enough, right?
  2. State expectations – State what you want from the relationship. Understand it and know it and stick to it.
  3. State the end result – State what the ramifications are if you don't get the answer you want.  That is, if you get a response other than what expectation is then you need to identify a certain action, or actions, and stick to it.  In this case, if your girlfriend isn't sure or doesn't want to be with you it's time to give her time or walk away completely, and STICK TO IT!
  4. If I didn't emphasize it enough in bullet point 3. then let me restate it: STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Stick to your decided course of action.

It may seem as though I'm over simplifying problem relationships… Okay, perhaps I am.  However, if we press the action by stating what we want and what we will do if we don't get what we want we really are opening a dialogue to resolution and cutting through all the “iffy” crap.  Another thing I'd like to state is that I'm not talking about ultimatums here.  Absolutely not.  What I am advocating is being clear in thought, speech and action and be consistent with what we think, say and do.

Actually this whole article could be summed up like so: Take the initiative, think clearly, speak honestly, act accordingly.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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