Weeding out Sleaze: The Etiquette of Chatting up a Woman

She looks sleazy enough that she might actually say “yes!” Oh joy!!

It has long been common practice for single guys to hits the bar and clubs in order to find a partner of some description, whether it’s for a lasting relationship or simply a bit of fun for that night. Whatever you want, the key to making that first connection is saying and doing the right stuff; put simply, if you act like a sleaze bag then 9 times out of 10 you will be going home alone or at best with some undesirable character! As a woman who worked in a nightclub, I’ve heard and seen the good, the bad and the ugly so read on as I share my views on the etiquette of chatting up a woman.

Snap Judgments are Commonplace

Yep, it’s wrong and we know it but it doesn’t change the fact that we will judge you in the bat of an eyelid so making the right first impression is imperative. Guys seem to differ in opinion when it comes to what is considered a great outfit these days; no, we don’t want your T-shirt to be so low that a cheeky nipple flash is firmly on the cards and no, we don’t agree that a shirt with an integrated scarf is both practical and stylish because it’s neither. When it comes to clothes just keep it simple and well fitted and you won’t go far wrong. An ironed shirt, fitted jeans and clean shoes are really the only criteria you need to fulfil in order to avoid falling at the first hurdle.

We Want Confidence, not Arrogance

It’s not an interview where you have to demonstrate your qualities in the space of 15 minutes; it’s just a chat, so don’t show off. Maybe my friends and I are in the minority, but we couldn’t care less how much a bloke earns as long as they work so you don’t need to disclose your salary or get overly flashy because we’re not bothered. Instead, keep the conversation light and always be polite to her and her friends because the second that arrogance or ignorance shows she will be gone.

Chat Up Lines? Tread Carefully

Even the best of the chat up lines are pretty cheesy but they do still serve a purpose as an icebreaker if you are struggling with an opening line. It’s a dodgy area because if they are said in the wrong way or the chat up line you choose is wildly inappropriate then you are in sleazy territory which is hard to come back from. Choose something funny and complimentary and be sure to laugh along so we know you don’t take yourself too seriously.

Don’t Wait Until you are Smashed

So many guys say they need Dutch courage in order to speak to women and one or two drinks isn’t a problem unless you are hitting on women in an AA meeting, but drinking yourself into oblivion and then deciding to speak to us is an absolute no no. Think about it, who do you know that when drunk is charming, composed and polite? Exactly. If we wanted to talk to hammered guys we would walk out of the bar, find the nearest kebab shop and have a field day. So monitor your drinking and make your move sooner rather than later.

Choose the Right Kind of Compliment

If you see a woman and think she is pretty, it’s nice to tell her that and you are highly unlikely to be classed as a sleaze for doing so. If you see a woman and you think she has a great rack then you still tell her she’s pretty if you want to get any further than this. Telling a woman you think she is pretty is one of the smartest moves you can make because it implies that she is naturally attractive. We can all wear a low cut top and the right bra to maximise our assets whatever the size or shape, but natural beauty is another ball game entirely and something most of us place way more importance on, so tap into this and you are off to a great start.

Getting a woman to stick around and see where something goes isn’t rocket science, but it’s surprising how many men ruin their chances straight off the bat by simply going against this etiquette. Dress well, stay coherent and choose your words wisely, that really is the secret to improving your chances of turning a chat up into something more.

Sophie works alongside www.attractanddatewomen.com, a site committed to helping guys find their feet in the confusing and challenging world of dating.