Men! Why Getting Rejected is a Good Thing!


One of my favorite movies of all time is a movie called ‘Alfie,' it is about a single man who lives in the moment, not concerning himself too much with the ambition of being richest stiff in the cemetery but instead chooses to live his life true to his passion … women. In the movie, he takes us through his day to day life and soon you begin to realise, it revolves around constantly sleeping with hot and attractive women. He has his flaws but when it comes to women he is one smooth mother fucker who can get any girl to turn into mush for him.

As men we are taught a lot of useful things in our lives from calculus to the history of Ancient Egypt. One thing that most men seem to lack an education on however, is how to go about meeting and attracting new women into their lives. It is a gap in our knowledge that until recent days has rarely been acknowledged. Men who are often lacking in their dating life are usually too scared to approach or meet women, paralysed by the fear of getting rejected. Every man has felt this in his life time. Whilst some men do work up the courage to take action and as a result get rejected, it can destroy a man’s self-esteem.

I am sure a lot of men who want to improve on this area of their lives and are actively learning more about dating, fantasize about being a guy like Alfie, who just walks into the bar and turns every woman's head. Who is able to walk up to any woman and have the power to make her melt in his hand with just a few charismatic gestures and lines. I know I had that fantasy when I first started actively working on improving my dating life 6 years ago and knew nothing about dating or women, I envisioned myself being able to seduce any woman and finally never having to face rejection by women ever again.

The truth however is that if you go out and make a conscious effort to meet lots of women, you are going to have a few rejections. Possibly more than what you care to have but you will get them. As you get better with your communication skills and your confidence rises, you may become extremely charismatic over time and get rejected less and less, However as good as you may get and as charismatic as you may become after learning from your mistakes, you will still get women who will shut you down quicker than you can say “wowsers I just got shut down”.

Being that guy, the type of guy Alfie is in the movie, is just a fantasy. You will never be able to get every girl to like you, you will never be every single girl’s type of man and you will never be able to make every girl happy. Rejection will be a part of your experience in picking up women for as long as you are going out trying to pick up women. However rejection is not a bad thing and plays an important role in the dating process.

There are two forms of rejection that serve two different purposes when it comes to meeting women. The first is form of rejection is rejection by your own doing. Sometimes women may be interested in you and reject you because you screwed up, perhaps you said the wrong thing or said something that came out the wrong way, you were too needy or supplicated too much, you were too boring, too depressing, too needy or you weren't genuine enough.  You can get rejected for millions of reason, it could be because you smelt bad, you dressed sloppy or simply because you had bad breath. There are millions of things you could do to turn women off that could be your fault.

The role that this form of rejection plays is similar to a heartless piano teacher smacking your hand when you play the wrong note on the piano. It is saying “you screwed up, you need to improve on this”. It helps you find areas in your game that need improvement. This form of rejection may be more common earlier on when you are still learning and are still honing your skills in communicating well with women but as you face these rejections and the trials and errors, you will eventually get less and less of this form of rejection.

The second form of rejection, is rejection that is completely necessary in saving you time and energy. The second form is simply that you and the girl are just not compatible with one another, whether its circumstances, she may not be looking to date anyone or she may have a boyfriend, her dad could of just died, etc., It may be interest related, you guys are just not interested in the same things, you may have different values, different beliefs, different morals, etc. Basically there is a mismatch and generally you both don't fit each other’s criteria in one way or another. She may be absolutely stunning physically and yes you may find her physically attractive, but ultimately she may not be interested because you’re not the type of guy she is into.

Unlike the first form of rejection however, in most cases there is nothing you can do about this form of rejection short of pretending to be the man she wants in order to gain her interest. If you do this however you are in essence selling your self-respect in exchange for her acceptance. Not the strongest move a man can make. Don’t waste your time or hers, if she is not interested in what you’re looking for just take it like a man and move on to find a woman that does share your interests.

I feel like most men have this unrealistic expectation of doing amazingly in every interaction they have with women, rejection is to dating what peanut butter is to Reese pieces.

In Conclusion

  • Rejection is a part of the deal, if you want to enjoy the good that comes with dating amazing women and having lots of sex with them or meeting an amazingly loving and rewarding girlfriend, rejection is part of the price you have to pay in order to get it.

  • Don't avoid rejection simply because you want girls to like you, don't compromise who you are. Be genuine and honest, what you have to offer will be valued by women who appreciate it. In turn you will probably enjoy the company of those women more than you will a woman who has diddly squat in common with you.

  • Rejection is a tool to save time and to help you improve in areas you have control over, keyword being control. Drawing the line of what you have and do not have under your control when it comes to interacting with women. It is greatly important.

  • Lastly, rejection will be there no matter how good or how long you stay in the dating game, if you are avoiding it, stop it….take it like a man, move on to the next girl.

Author Profile

Cristian is a professional dating coach with over 5 years experience. Cristian has helped hundreds of singles from all walks of life improve the success in their dating lives. He is also the owner of the the company simply speed dating which runs Speed dating Sydney

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