Friends With Benefits
I'm beginning to think we should have had a Fuck Buddy Themed week, or Friends With Benefits Week here, at the Urban Dater. Maybe we should do that! I think another survey is due to cover a themed week. Look for that survey to come soon! Anyway today's guest post features Richard Liso from LuvBlogger.com, an awesome blog worth checking out. Taylor and I hope you enjoy the article! – Alex
For numerous men, finding a “Friend with Benefits” can be a tremendous achievement. While convincing a woman to have casual sex is considered rather difficult for most men, getting her to have sex again and again, and still stay “just friends”, seems almost impossible.
In this post I will concentrate on the man's side of the story, which is of course relevant to women as well.
Friends with benefits – why not?
On a first glance, it's hard to find negative aspects of having a friend with benefits (or in other words, a “fuck buddy”). What can be wrong with sex available to us whenever we need this natural desire? We have friends to drink beer, play poker, surf, do shopping, etc. So why can't we have a friend that we can fuck with?
In fact, for many men, there is no problem with that. Men are evolutionarily created with the ability to separate between sex and love and easily agree to casual sex. In the movie “No Strings Attached”, it was Adam (Ashton Kutcher) who got in love with his fuck buddy. However, in reality, most of the “troubles” come from the female side.
This can be explained by the female psychology, which is different from the male one. The truth is that biologically, a woman can only have one sexual partner. She can get pregnant from only one man. And in order for the baby to survive, that one man must stay and protect the woman and her child for a long period of time. That's why, women feel uncomfortable to have casual sex – It's in her genes to only sleep with one partner.
However, despite the biological factor, many women choose to have casual sex and casual partners. So having a friend with benefits is still possible. What you need to understand is that for men, it will be easier that for women.
For the female side, this relationship can also have many advantages. Many women have strong sexual desires, and having a friend with benefits, can be useful for them. Many women today don't have the time or will to a full relationship with a man
Getting a female fuck Body
Let's say that you've met a woman. You feel attracted to her and as a man, you also want to have sex with her. How can you lead your new girl into the proper direction – having a female fuck buddy, and just that?
What you need to do is to make the girl attracted to you, and also like and trust you… But it needs to stop there. How do you do this? It's complicated, but possible. Your goal is to make and show her the clear difference – you are not dating, you are just having sex.
Don't go on a “Date”
It's important to make her clean of any expectations. It means that you don't use the word “Date”, for example. Just tell her that you “are going out”, “drinking some beer”. In addition to the words, also use the proper behavior: Don't pick her up, don't open the door for her… (And of course, don't buy any flowers).
Treat her like a friend
When dating a woman, men use specific behavior. They use romance, they treat the girl better that just some regular person. When we are talking about a future fuck-buddy, there is no place for romance. Treat her like one of your male friends.
Be sexual from the beginning
The last thing you want to do is to make your relationship romantic or nice. If you want to just have sex for fun, show that in the beginning. This needs to happen slowly, but the more sex topics you have, the easier it will be for you.
Make her see that you are not “Serious”
The biggest secret to creating a fuck-buddy is by being very attractive on the first hand, but also being “not serious” on the other hand. Being not serious means that she will not think you can be a good boyfriend or husband. Make her not trust you sexually, show her that you like one night stands, having many partners. She must trust you as a person, but not as a partner.
Maintaining you Friendship
The No. 1 reason for losing a fuck buddy, is because one of the sides falls in love (hint: It's usually the woman). So when we are talking about “maintaining” your friendship, it's mainly making sure this doesn't happen.
Don't meet too often
If a woman sees a man on a daily basis, she likes him and has sex with him, she will eventually feel something stronger than just friendship. To prevent this, a good option will be not to meet too often. Once or twice a week will be enough.
There is something extremely romantic in a kiss. You can kiss here and then, but make sure to keep the kiss sexual and less romantic.
Have sex together, Sleep Alone
Do you stay to sleep together with your male friends? Probably not. Don't do that with your fuck-buddy either. Sleeping together is another thing that feels like being a couple. Have sex, fuck each other as hard as you wish, and then go home.
Those steps are of course not enough. Of course, you have the obvious things: Treat each other well (I will not teach you how to deal with a friends) and make sure the girl enjoys sex as well (i.e. make sure she gets her orgasms).
Anyway, a friendship with benefits will not last forever. If one of you finds a partner for love (boyfriend or girlfriend), it's more than legit to cancel your settlement. Moving on to romantic relationship together is also an option.
Yet, not every woman will agree
As I began this post, women are not “Supposed” to agree to sex without a relationship. This is why many women, probably most of them, will not agree to be your fuck-buddy. And that is O.K.
Don't take this personally, if you were a woman, you would probably resist to casual sex as well. If you met a woman that doesn't want to be your fuck-buddy, you can still be just friends, or you can choose to date her.
I personally believe that even men, eventually, will prefer to have love and a relationship over just sex friendship.
So think about it, if that's really what you want – Just sex without romance?
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Honestly, I don't see the "BENEFITS" for the women in these kind of arrangements. Rather have my vibrator as my F*ck buddy than some jerk who just comes, cums and leaves.
I agree with the above comment. I'd seriously rather have my vibrator as my f*ck buddy.
A lot of people are friends… with benefits right now eh? But coming to think of it i don't think it's right. Yes it could be fun… but what goes after it? You don't even know if there is love involved with it so why try it? Women should think about it… it may be a game… but how long can you play safe?
My recent post Successful Online Dating Story- Tom and Maggie
you'd rather have a piece of silicon and a few batteries over a living person? at least you could get a free dinner and a back rub or something from the man, lol. you just have to negotiate the "benefits" better.
I'd rather have a live F"ck buddy — it's all about setting the expectations up front — friends with benefits can work — and be very rewarding — it just bucks the societal norm. Perhaps it's best for those who already had the long-term commitment — and left that behind.
I'd much rather have a live person. It's all about setting the expectations up front. Friends with benefits does work, but maybe best for those who already have been in long-term relationships — and moved on.
Having read the above I am now convinced one of my friends is using these exact tactics to make me his friend with benefits! http://litandlove.blogspot.com/2011/09/jolly-good…
My recent post Friends with benefits.
I agree 100% with Suitcase Sally & Eric.
Real live person any day over a vibrator.
Although … if it really was that easy … we would ALL be getting laid on a daily basis.
Have been searching for this Unicorn for a while now – and he has yet to materialize!
Then let me introduce you to ME… Okay, let me work on my approach. +)