I. Fucking. Quit.
I'm taking a fucking break!
A detox comes in many forms. The unifying theme is to rid oneself of an addiction to something shitty or something that, in large quantities is shitty for you. Alcohol, bacon, drugs… These are some things that people commonly detox from. For me? My shitty dating life. Yep. I'm sparing the women of Los Angeles from me for a little while at least.
Yep. This is one of those posts. My dating life, in the grand scheme of things kind of sucks right now. Why? Errr. Maybe it's because I suck, even though I think I'm pretty fly. No, my dating life is kinda pooh-skiddish, if I'm being to-the-point.
Why? Perhaps it's because I suck. I mean, over the past couple weeks I've read posts from people calling me a douche to a gal I went on two dates with calling me a sociopath. Now, the fact that people are talking shit about you they're still talking, to paraphrase my colleague, Nando Rodriguez. Sometimes when you read the shitty things people say about you, you let it roll off. You have to. The sociopath thing really got on my nerves. I didn't realize I had that effect on people after merely two dates. Obviously I'm doing something right!
Or am I?
Let me take a moment to have some bullet-point honesty with you all and, more importantly, myself:
- The girl I went out with who called me a sociopath. You annoyed me with that. However, I shouldn't have gone on the second date. I wasted your time and mine. I knew after the first one that, while you were attractive, you were not my type.
- The girl who teased me until I was blue in the… err… face. I'm sorry. I just wanted to get laid. Well played for not playing into that.
- The nurse who I went out with and pretty much had no chemistry with. I shouldn't have gone out with her, even from texts it seemed that we were both ‘trying too hard.'
- The gal I went out with, who's a writer and a blogger and wrote a piece for me, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have wasted your time either.
- The gal that I called a “broad.” Ugh. I failed hard here….
- To the gal who's a city planner… Again, probably shouldn't have done a second date. We had lots to talk about; primarily about food and beer. Don't get me wrong, that was cool, but that's all there was. And that's not on you, that's all I had, too. Your dog kicks ass btw.
- To the TV producer… See above
- To the other five-ish, or so, women… Sigh. I don't remember your names… Or what we did. But we did go out. I'm sure it was just as memorable for you, too.
- And if you weren't listed in the previous items above, it's not that I forgot, it's that we've already established that I'm the turd and you are amaz… Nevermind. You get it.
Honestly, going through this list, I could go build a blog called the FailDater and the thing is that list above isn't really comprehensive, just a good sampling of what my last three months of dating looks like.
Hence an Urban Dater needs a fucking break. Where's my goddamned Kit Kat???
Obviously, I need to figure out some things, personally, before I go out into the wild to club a mate on the head and drag her back to my apartment. Sometimes it really is me and not you… except those times when it really is YOU.
So I'm going to “detox” from the game for a little bit while I get my shit together upstairs and focus on other things that need doing. This chubby isn't going to take care of itself now.