You're at the bar, with friends, when you notice the electricity in the air; you're having an intriguing conversation with someone who you want to take home and pound until the legs/wheel on your kitchen table/couch/race car bed give out. You can't help it, you're a sucker to chemistry and when two sexual people “lock-in” they generate a force of attraction that, like a 99 cent baby back rib deal at the local strip joint, is hard to resist. Ah, but there's a catch; this person that you want to pound like a raw piece of beef (or tempeh, if you're veg/vegan) used to date and mate with one of your close friends… What do you do about that?Well, children of the corn, I'm not so sure that there's an easy answer here. I can tell you that I've gone all the way with friends' exes and it's led to some awkward conversation, the dissolution of a friendship and some awesome sex, if not a rewarding relationship.
Cock Blocked and Two Smoking Barrels
However, I can speak to one particular situation where I was cock blocked before I could even get unzipped. Allow me to explain: Once upon a time I had a friend named Kayla. Kayla and I never really hung out too much, but when we did, we always laughed and had a good time and it was usually around my buddy, Mr. Riker. Now, I'm not going to bullshit you guys, I wanted to bend Kayla over a table and do things to her that are still banned in eight States in the Union. However, I kept it to myself and didn't “press the issue.” Fair enough. You see, Kayla and I would talk about getting together to grab dinner or drinks. Not really a big deal, it's what people do.
One day, I'd mentioned to Mr. Riker that I was attracted to Kayla. He got quiet and I asked him what was wrong. He said, “Look, brosef, I don't like my friends dating because if shit doesn't work out then I usually end up losing both friends and that sucks.” I looked at him and understood but I had to tell him that, while I understood his predicament, I had to ultimately dismiss it. I said, “Riker, it really has nothing to do with you. At all. We're two adults and YOU introduced us.” Our disagreement went on for a while longer after that; needless to say we didn't resolve that argument.
The following day I'd made plans to have dinner with Kayla, that night. When it came time to get ready, she texted me and told me that dinner was off and that she was sorry. After probing further, she had told me that she thought I was cool, but only as friends and didn't think our dinner was going to be about that… I continued to press and asked her why she said that. Enter Mr Riker. He had a conversation with Kayla and explained to her that my feelings were not precisely platonic. It didn't matter what I said, she still declined dinner…
I was pissed.
Did it end up being worth it?
I called up, Riker and let him know how pissed I was. He couldn't remove his own feelings from the situation and have two friends dating and potentially lose out on those friendships… Really, it, to me, was a practice in immaturity on his part. His meddling pretty much torpedoed that friendship. Had I gotten the chance to go out to dinner with Kayla, would anything have happened? Probably not and it's likely I would have picked up on the fact that she wasn't interested in me that way…
Should I have even bothered at all? I still think there was nothing wrong in trying and really, what did Riker expect? When you put two adults in a room and there's chemistry that develops you can't simply expect it to go away and have neither participant act on their chemically induced impulses. It doesn't work that way. Just is the way it is. If it's something that's going to bother you, don't put yourself in a situation where you have a front row seat to a train wreck you want no part of…
I'm still close friends with, Riker. I don't talk to Kayla anymore, though. I'm over it, though. In the end I suppose it doesn't matter; it just seemed needlessly dramatic and, really, no one wants that in their life.
What do you think? Should there be a hands-off policy for friends and your exes? Discuss in the comments below.