I waited at Ruby's for three hours tonight for Staff to arrive. Okay, well, I worked on some writing for two hours and then waited for Staff for the last. Still, three hours sounds so much better. He wanted Pinkberry and I find it unreasonable to say no to such things. We got our amazing-life-changing-yogurt-goodness and went on our outdoor mall walk. I like walking with Staff. He tells me everything I have to say is full of crap. I pretend not to listen to him. It's a great friendship.
The Pinkberry-ness of the evening is almost done and Staff mentions, “Did you know that neuroscientists say men should wear baby powder behind their ear to attract women? That women are drawn to the scent…that whole wanting a baby and nurturing thing.” Gross.
Give. Me. A. Break. The steps you men will go to are exhausting. If it takes baby powder behind the ear at a club to mind trap a women into dating you because you think she is baby crazy, you might have the wrong woman. Plus, do you really want crazy-wants-to-make-a-baby-tonight-woman in your bed? Tonight? Think, man. Think!
See, you don't need to trick us into wanting you. We WANT you. We like your scruffy beards. We like your almost wrinkled shirts. We like your suits. We like when you know all the answers and the crinkled look when you sometimes don't. We adore the smell of you not the baby powder jedi mind trick version of you. We like that you smell a little musky and sometimes smell a little like the end of a hard work day. We don't need you to smell like a baby's butt, no. Don't trick us into wanting you. That might work for an evening but if you're looking for anything longer than your 20 minutes of fame, you're going to have to win us over….with you.
And we really, really like….you.