If you know me, you know that I'm a turd and generally an asshole. So when I tell my friends about the insane messages I sometimes send people they're not surprised and I'm sure you won't be either.
I'm sharing a message I sent about a month ago to a user on OkCupid. There was a glaring strike, however: The fact she lived in Canada. Yep. Geographically undesirable… But she visited me, so who knew. Maybe she was contemplating a move or a visit. Reading this gal's profile got me interested and seeing what she was into told me that a message was a no brainer.
Here's what I sent
Okay. Look. I'm just going to write this, knowing that a.) you probably hear this all the time b.) we'll never meet and c.) This note creeps you the f*ck out. That said, you pretty much read like the most awesome woman ever. Now, I want you to understand something. Okay? When I say, “most awesome woman ever” I don't mean you're cooler than all the women on your block; in your city; in your province; or even in your country. I mean, it's as though someone at a woman building factory got an order for the most awesome woman ever and she had to have these qualities, look like-so and all this other stuff such that she would be more awesome than the next closes awesome woman by at least 75x. If they lined up each an every model, the world over and said to me, “You, tell us what you think of this army of underfed models, with you standing there, to the side, I would say “Dear sir. Please remove this army of underfed models and place in front of me the clearly most awesome woman in the world. Thank you!” That's what I would say. But, then, my underling would say, Lord Alex, but what of all the women the women in all the corners of the world, but before he finishes that sentence, I gently place a clown nose on his face and cover his mouth with my hand and say “Now, now, young Viceroy Jr. What did your Lord tell you about contradicting his opinion as to who the most awesome woman in the world is? I would then squeeze his nose and send him to his room to eat asparagus and consider the many ways in which he was wrong.
Why? Well, on the outside, you're pretty darn cute; some might even say pretty. But the brass tacks, here, are that you're <bleep>n gorgeous. You like what you do, you are interested in stuff and things; you like good beer and you wear spectacles. All important things. The like of making out is kinda rad, too. Just sayin'.
But, on a more serious note, if you were in my town, or I in yours, I'd definitely send you a note to the affect of this:
Yo, grrrl! Nice smile. What are you? The Czar of Smiles or sumpin'? Wanna grab a beer and talk some stuff for a couple hours, or whatevs?
Or I might actually write something more appropriate, I kinda spent my creativity early out of the gates… =)
Anyway, that's all you get out of this guy. You're welcome! Now enjoy the rest of your weekend in Middle Earth, Canadia, or where ever it is you hail from.
So the question I pose to you is this: How did I do? Is this too crazy of a message to send out to someone? I should note she replied, once, but was appreciative and not creeped out which, sometimes, is all I can ask for.
Hi, just commenting here to say that I’ve gotten, and sent, this kind of messages, so I don’t think it’s creepy at all for you to send one. That said, your message was a bit tl;dr for my taste. The ones I’ve gotten (and sent) usually go something like “Terrific profile, it’s a shame you’re not closer”. The reason I’ve sent those was, well, a terrific profile (from two men, both several states away, who’d both visited me). One read like a standup act (a good one, I must add). The other one read like he and I would be a perfect match. I just thought I’d give credit where credit was due. They both said thank you and that was it. (As do I when I get that kind of messages.) So fear not, you did okay.
I actually like your comment. I think that if you just wrote a sentence or two, then it looks like you aren’t putting any effort into it and are just trying to get lucky. But the fact that the comment is a big paragraph shows you put some thought into it. Of course, you could just copy/paste that for every girl too, but the fact that she isn’t local shows you aren’t trying to have a hook up either since it would be a very expensive hookup!
I like the courage it took to write that message to her and the fact that you did take the time to actually type all of it. Not a 3 liner for sure! I kind of liked it,too.
At parts your typing was not correct and it did sound a little odd. But, it must have made the point that you were going out of your way to talk to her.
Is telling her she is the best woman in the world a good idea? What about seeming needy?
I have a question though. Do you know why she replied only once? Was it the distance? Or you never kept in touch with her after the first message?
I ask because it seems very common to have only one or two replies and then nothing afterwards.
Of course, I sometimes would like to keep conversations going, Even if we are not going to get romantic, we can have some fun talking at least.
To wrap up, I think maybe you gave her a message that was a little to strange and possibly needy sounding, on top of the distance factor.
But in my opinion a sort of cool message, but I am not a woman!
Good points and questions, Mike!
I can see where the note may sound “needy” and certainly that’s not what I want going across the wire. In my own head that’s not how it sounded, of course, things get lost or interpreted differently in the translation of it all, so I’m aware of that.
The note was tongue-in-cheek and meant to be so ridiculous and over the top that, if nothing else, I’d get a comment and that she’d say “hello” at least, which she did. We ended up exchanging a number of messages actually. But the distance factor was too much to even really toy with the notion, so it ended soon enough.
I should also note that she was the one who viewed my profile and not the other way around. Not a huge deal, but it’s why I looked hers up in the first place.