• About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Explore Close
Menu Close

Categories

Dating & RelationshipsOnline DatingTips & AdviceRelationshipsFor MenAsidesSelfSexFor WomenOpinionDates & DetailsFeaturedUncategorizedDate IdeasSpecialAdvertDating SitesQuestions and AnswersFashionNews

Tags

DatingRelationshipsOnline DatingSexloveadvicedating advicerelationshipdating tipssinglefirst datewomenrelationship advicevalentines dayromanceFor WomendatesFor Menmenobservations

Archives

March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020
  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
  • About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

the Urban Dater

A Blog About Online Dating, Relationships & Sex

  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
Close
How-to-Lose-a-Guy-in-10-Days-how-to-lose-a-guy-in-10-days-4099646-852-480
Next5 Ways to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
  • Explore
  • Menu
  • Menu
AsidesDates & Details

I Built a Bridge to Nowhere aka Failing to Seal the Deal

yannibmbr on March 26, 2013
Share This Article
Facebook15Tweet0Pin6
bridge to nowhere

Ima get a rope!

I went to WordCamp San Diego this weekend. It was a good time, needless to say. I get to be nerdy, get my learn on and hang out with some awesome, awesome folks. I was doing it right.

I got into San Diego on Friday and was looking for something to do and I decided I needed have a drink. A friend of mine, David, accompanied me and we were soon joined by another friend, Nate and his girlfriend who has a wonderful name, but I can't spell for shit and I would butcher it and that would be a shame.

So we're having some craft brews at Mission Brewery and having fun. Nate points out that this very cute girl is looking for someone to play shuffle board. At first I look at him like he's fucking crazy because the girl I thought he was eye-balling was built like a Peterbilt truck. Not my speed. He corrects me, “Not her, the cute one on the other side of her.” I crane my neck and take another look. Oh! She IS cute. This gal was there with two friends, the linebacker and some other dude. This other dude had a good chipper personality, funny; I'd hang out with this dude. He didn't appear to be with this cute girl, if my read on body language is an indicator of anything.

Green light, bitches!

I B-Line right over and introduce myself “Hey, I'm the guy that's gonna whoop your ass at Shuffle Board.” She laughs and agrees to play me.

Now, as a service to all of you, I'm not going to tell you how long this fucking game took. But I will tell you that I whooped that bitch's ass (by one point, that counts as an ass-whoopin' right?) and she bought me a beer. I won. However, we all know that's not the point.

So as we go to get my ass-kicking beer, my opponent, Stephanie, came by and says, “Hey, you should come out dancing with me and my friends later.” She asks for my number. Normally, I don't give my number out, but this is usually something that's asked for in response to me asking for a woman's number. But Steph asked me for it outright. She took my number, texted me right there. She left saying “See you later, I hope.” With a lovely smile and gorgeous eyes and an ass I could speed bag for days. Sigh… Romance, I tell you.

Fast forward an hour and a half I show up at this bar, it's pretty dead. Shots are waiting, I take one. Stephanie had changed and was wearing a dress and showing some impressive gams (I'm a leg guy over here, if you recall) and we danced briefly and the other guy was sitting there talking to the larger gal, but his eyes were on Stephanie. So something was going on there.

The girls go to the restroom and I get a chance to talk to Kevin. I ask, “Kevin, how long have you and Stephanie known each other?” He looks around and up like he has to think about it, “Uhhh, I met her this morning. I was running and we both stopped at the same place.” Come again? Yeah, so Kevin meets this girl earlier in the day on a run, and she invites him out to have some beers. At this point, I'm kinda not “into it” anymore. I could do without this… thing that was becoming weird. Who was this girl? The dude collector or what?

Stephanie and her friend, meat fist, come back out and she looks concerned. Stephanie tells us we have to get to some other bar because another friend of hers can't get into the bar we're already at, which has gotten packed since I arrived.

We take to the streets and walk a few blocks (which, in my increasingly woozy state of drunkenness I note how fast this woman in heels can move) and we finally make it to the bar to meet this friend. Said friend is a tall, dark fellow, wearing a blazer he smiles big, gives Stephanie a big hug, leaves his left hand on her lower back and they exchange pleasantries… in Spanish. Confused and impressed, I carry-on with this weird dog and pony show. We go in, we all have beers and continue talking. Kevin goes dancing by himself in front of the live band. I really have no fucking idea what's going on, I'm talking to the other female friend and she seems absolutely bored. Apparently my conversation isn't helping because she gets up, leaves, grabs Stephanie and heads for the restroom.
3-25-2013 1-21-08 PM
I go stand next to the new friend, whose name I forget. Let's call him Tim. I walk up to Tim. “Fun times, yeah?” He takes a swig of his beer, looks at me and clanks his bottle to my mug. I ask “So, you and Stephanie seem like close friends. How's that working out?” At this point, I don't really care anymore. Tim, looks at me, kinda chuckles and takes another sip of the beer. “How long have you guys known each other?” Tim sips again, nudges me on the shoulder and, again, chuckles. I don't know what any of this fucking means. Then we get on the topic of baseball and I tell him about how I'm an Angels an, and he looks at me and nods approvingly. Cool, another Halos fan, I think to myself.
Stephanie finally comes back, she walks up to Tim and I and she says “What' up?” I reply, “Oh, Tim and I here were talking baseball and how my Angels are going to do this season.” She looks at me, surprised, “You speak Spanish? Tim doesn't speak English, you know.”  I chuckle, “Pfft, don't be silly, of course he doesn't speak English. Got you!” Yeah, I didn't know that guy didn't speak any English. I'm talking to this guy like a fucking asshole for fifteen minutes. What a dope I am. Gotta get better at qualifying non-English speaking folks so that I can grunt and make hand gestures instead. Putting that on my to-do list…

Needless to say, it was a night of nothingness. What did I hope to have happen? Well, if I'm being honest here, I kinda wanted to get laid. Bad. And thought my chances were better than slim and/or none… Lesson to be learned here? In this situation I should have put on my “Game” jersey. Perhaps when I'm feeling a bit more douchey, next time.

Signup for Our Newsletter

Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox…
Follow @theurbandater



Share This Article
Facebook15Tweet0Pin6
  • Posted in: Asides, Dates & Details

Posted by yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

All Posts
Show comments Hide comments

14 Comments

  1. Kristen Bright March 26, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Haha wow, I was getting scared there for a second! Thought you were going to wind up in some femdom dungeon or something :/

    Reply

    1. yannibmbr March 26, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      I wish! Honestly, that night was a lesson in frustration. I got to go out of town for the weekend and I wanted to have some stupid fun. Instead, I just got stupid… Sigh. =)

      Reply

    2. Tizz March 26, 2013 at 7:41 pm

      We don’t usually advertise in bars. 🙂

      Reply

      1. yannibmbr March 26, 2013 at 11:03 pm

        I wish there was a like button for this. =)

        Reply

  2. Jimmy Jacob March 27, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Dude, this was hilarious! I too have met a few “dude collectors” in my time. Some women like to come off like they’re so friendly and nice, but honestly girls who do this (without acknowledging the fact that if you’re a stranger, men aren’t looking to make new FRIENDS) are just vapid attention-seekers. Sorry it didn’t work out, but at least it made for a hilarious post!

    Reply

    1. yannibmbr March 27, 2013 at 10:24 am

      Always glad to entertain. I was just like “What. the. fuck. is. going. on?” It was so weird. At some point I stayed merely out of morbid curiosity. Heh.

      Reply

  3. Boston Single Girl ( March 27, 2013 at 10:18 am

    This was hilarious! I wonder what this chick expected to do with all of the men she collected throughout the day..hmmm…. 😉 Sorry it didn’t end on a good note (ie with you getting laid)

    Reply

    1. yannibmbr March 27, 2013 at 10:26 am

      Me, too. I’m at a point where ‘no strings’ is kind of what I want right now, but shit just got real weird on this one… Ick.

      Reply

  4. Ms. Cheevious March 27, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Aww big guy, don’t feel so bad. It’s all a numbers game, in my opinion. CHICKS, man! I feel your pain… but only because I feel for guys who are simply trying to play off the cues of the feminine species… and / or trying to talk to non-english speaking freaks who won’t even say “No comprende ingles!” — Keep at it though. One day you’ll strike gold – or something like it and get laid good. I’m sure of it.

    Reply

  5. Lisa Jey Davis March 27, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Well- look at it this way: You had something good to write about! HAHA! I know I know… Men do NOT think that is a plus when “gettin’ some” is thought to be on the table.. it sort of ruins it. I get it. But great post anyway! LOL

    Reply

  6. Hope Leslie Single March 27, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Hilarious. Seriously, though, hot girls like to wear men like jewelry. It adds to their sparkle and sheen from afar. The more other men see her wearing men, the more they want her.

    Glad you escaped from being man jewelry, my friend.

    Reply

  7. Ask the Urban Dater: What do Guys do When They’re Lonely? « PUA Central June 24, 2013 at 2:00 am

    […] nothing was ‘working’ in terms of getting a relationship going. Sure, sure. I’ve said that I don’t want anything “complicated” …read […]

    Reply

  8. Ask the Urban Dater: What do Guys do When They’re Lonely? | the Urban Dater July 10, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    […] was ‘working’ in terms of getting a relationship going. Sure, sure. I’ve said that I don’t want anything “complicated” and, for the most part that’s still true. I DO have fun dating… It’s what works […]

    Reply

  9. What do Guys do When They’re Lonely? | Addisfikir January 9, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    […] nothing was ‘working’ in terms of getting a relationship going. Sure, sure. I’ve said that I don’t want anything “complicated” and, for the most part that’s still true. I DO have fun dating… It’s what works with my […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply to What do Guys do When They’re Lonely? | Addisfikir Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Popular

  • 8 Things to Say to Your Ex Who You Still Love
  • A Girl doesn’t Text Back – Use These Texts Instead Of leaving Her Alone
  • What to Say to a Girl You Just Met
  • Men Who Give You Their Number Instead of Taking Yours. ~ Group Post.
  • 7 Tips on How to Give Your Partner Great Phone Sex
  • 3 Questions To Ask Yourself After 3 Months of Dating
  • Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?
  • How to Scratch Someone’s back
  • Seven Things You Should Be Looking For By The Fifth Date
  • Letters to Lovers Lost

Signup for Our Newsletter

Online Dating, Sex and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox...
Follow @theurbandater

Previous
5 Ways to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
March 26, 2013
Next
Want to Run a Background Check? Try it On These Five People
March 27, 2013

Let’s Socialize

  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

General Bullshit

  • About
  • Disclosure Statement
  • Legal
  • Guest Posting
  • Terms and Conditions for Contributors

Archives by Month

© 2021 the Urban Dater by DigiSavvy, Inc. — Proudly Hosted on WP Engine —
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Asides

I Built a Bridge to Nowhere aka Failing to Seal the Deal

by yannibmbr time to read: 4 min
Dates & Details A Weird Time
Asides 5 Ways to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
14