A Weird Time

I've got a thing for Women in Little Black Dresses and Crazy Lady Eyes

Now, I should say this, I hadn't talked to her on the phone yet. We'd simply exchanged text messages and PMs on OkCupid. But everything else “looked right.” That is, when Bobbi entered the coffee shop, I took pause, because there stood, sauntering toward me, a 6ft tall strawberry blonde with piercing blue eyes. I stumbled as I stood up to greet her, we hugged and exchanged greetings. I don't think I've ever heard a longer “Hellooooooooooooooooooooo…” in my life. Bobbi clearly wasn't from 'round these parts. Which is just fine by me.

We got our drinks and sat. Turns out Bobbi is from North Carolina, hence the drawl/accent (to me at least), which was adorable. However, everything she said kinda took a long time to get out. And when she said things like, “I don't eat corn, cause it's evil and people die from it all the time (which, I don't doubt mind you, happens I heard about mill grain deaths on NPR yesteray, how fortuitous for me) and I just avoid it altogether,” or “I believe in re-incarnation, you see. We all come back as something else and the universe decides on what that is based on the good deeds we do today…” I kinda had a hard time not hitting my face with a table. I'm not going to lie. Last night's date was fucking weird and there'll not be another.

The other thing that was off here was my humor. I'm a pretty dry person when it comes to joking around. People get it or they don't. So my self-deprecating commentary wasn't hitting the mark, nor were any of my other attempts at humor. At one point Bobbi asks, “You know, did your mother love you as a baby. I mean, you know, did she ‘feed' you, baby you and all that?” Yes, Bobbie, yes my mommy did all those things. And I did step back and say “Look, I have a dry sense of humor and yadda yadda.” She just nodded, sipped on her drink and says, “No, no I get it. I guess I just think different things are funny is all…” Which is a diplomatic way of saying I'm just not fucking funny, so get over myself.

In spite of the obvious awkward chemistry we managed to conjure up, we still had a decent conversation when spirituality wasn't brought into the discussion. Turns out she just moved to California only a couple weeks ago and loves Ethiopian food (I do, too, actually).

I can tell you that I knew early on that Bobbi wasn't interested from the look in her eyes. It was vacant… If I'm being a dick right now, it's because she's just really dense. If I'm being honest, it's just because I wasn't her cup of tea… or aura or some shit like that. But, still, there's an opportunity. What opportunity? Well, I could still chat with a pretty woman and try to charm someone who's unaffected by my apparent charms. That is an art. Not everyone we meet is going to be open to what we bring to the table. Not everyone thinks you're cute; not everything you say is funny and certainly not every joke lands; not everyone thinks you're charming.

Deal with it.

I could have checked out early on this weird time, but I didn't. I recognized that there was a chance to chat with a striking woman and just let the conversation take us where ever it meant to. Will there be a part two to this? No. At least not in a romantic setting.