The following is from a guest post soon to be appearing at my friend's blog. Definitely check her out. Who doesn't like a jailbird anyway?
I like simple things, in life. I'm simple minded; just give me water and food and maybe some porn and I'm likely to survive on that for the rest of my life. That didn't always used to be the case, though. Especially where it concerned relationships. I would over think and over analyze things, sometimes overreacting or taking the path of inaction. Why does any of this matter?
It matters because over time I learned to calm the fck down, mentally. That is, I just learned to let things be and go along with them. Make no mistake though, the road between calming the fck down and being more carefree is longer than John Holmes's legendary chubby.
What I'm getting at is that in relationships many of us get caught up in our heads, our hearts and our emotions; we just can't help it. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, but I think it can cause a person to be indecisive when it comes to matters of the heart, with regard to a relationship. So many times I've talked to friends, family, strangers an felons who were trapped inside their head wondering “What about this, that or the other? What if this, what if that?” It just goes on and on and being the calm collected outsider, I'm able to see at the root and more or less understand the underlying issue.
I've written about some of the more basic things required to make relationships go, in the past. These basics apply to this topic. In trying to make sense of the emotions that well up when things go wrong in a relationship a person becomes lost in endless questions and doubt, typically a lot of self doubt, when the only questions that need to be answered are: Does my partner respect me? Does my partner communicate? Does my partner compromise and can I compromise? Do I trust my partner? Is the effort being put in by my partner?
Again, I know how easy it is to get lost in one's own situation and mull over the details and gaps; but stop! Calm down, breath in through your nose and out through your mouth a few times and concentrate; think! Think about the questions above. If your girlfriend has been hamming it up with this guy friend of hers at work all the time and it's making you crazy, you must speak up! The questions to ask here are: Why is it that my girlfriend spending time with a male friend bothers me? Do I trust her? Why or why not? Is it really trust that's in question or is it insecurity, which manifests itself as jealousy? Take time to think about the question and the answers.
Having drawn your conclusion, it's time to communicate and let it out. If you and your partner can get through a situation by talking it through, damn, that's half the battle won right there. This is where respect and communication are key. It's not really okay to expect your partner to start dropping their friends like flies; what is more likely is that your partner will understand where you're coming from and reassure you that things are fine and there's nothing to worry about. The onus is, then, on you to develop that trust; to build it up and make it strong. If you can't trust your partner with her friends the relationship is doomed to fail.
I'm also not saying this is easy. We shoot ourselves in the foot and quite often! I've been so stuck in my own head that I've done and said stupid things and done creepy things like write letter and leave them on a girl's patio or the hood of the car (before my hotmail account, kids). What I should have done was taken a moment to calm down, breath and answer the basic important questions. I don't really think it makes things easier, per se, though, I do think it helps adjust ones perspective on things. It's certainly something to think about.