Ask the Urban Dater: Asking Someone Out You Don’t Want to Ask Out

not interested in her
Hmmm. She does look much better below the belt. I'm brown-baggin' today, cuh!

Today's question comes from Timofy Footlicker (yes, Timofy Footlicker) from Stone Mountain, GA. Timofy enjoys shooting rifles and getting in the middle of domestic disputes and wearing his molars on a choker. When he's not busy making his favorite food, Swanson TV Dinners, he can be found having others read to him and watching ‘Inception' wondering aloud “what dream are we in now?”

So, there's this girl I went out with. I didn't really find I was attracted to her. I mean, she was fat. But pretty fat. Kno what I mean? It's not like i was gonna give it up.

She's fun and I think I should go out with her again, but it's been a week and I hven't called her to ask for another date. What do I do to get this girl to hangout and not have her expect anything from me?

Timofy. You're a catch; a woman's wet dream; the pick of the litter. Aw who the fuck am I kidding, man! You, sir, aren't any of those things. Brownie points for owning up to being an asshole, though. Seriously.

Okay, so you went out with a girl and you don't even sound like you want to “put it in.” That's weird. Anyway, no matter. You don't know what you don't know.

Here's what you should do: Let it go. Women already hate being a second choice let alone a “snow ball's chance in hell” choice. Stop being a prick and move on to the next vagina. You're not doing this other gal any favors by saying “let's be friends.” Trust me.

Now, Timofy, I suspect you might be brain damaged and incapable of accepting “good” advice and you're likely to contact this girl again… That said, see below.

Try calling her. See if she wants to hang out. Do something casual and non-romantic and slyly bring up the fact that you go limp when you guys go out, but that you still think she's fun to hang out with.

A couple things might happen:
1. If she has something hot, she'll toss it in your face.
2. She'll clench her meaty fist and bludgeon you in your pathetic face with it…or… bonus scenario
3. See option 2. but with the other meaty woman fist.

In either scenario, Timofy, I don't see this shit working well for you. At. All. So, just go home, download your porn, drink your Tab and Jaeger and call it a night dude.

You're welcome.

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