The Art of Sext


Being a pervert is something that many folks I know chalk up to being delightfully tacky, like Hooters. It's either that, or we think a pervert is someone who watches way too much porn and probably whacks off way too much. At least this is what has been relayed to me in not so many words in recent weeks.

There's good and bad with all things and being a pervert is no exception. However, I would offer that being a pervert really is an art form. Truly.

A New Diversion into Perversion… Sextuality.

I'm a perverted guy. I have kinks that I'm into. If I see you wearing certain clothes, I'll want to rip them off your body with my mouth and fuck you, whether it's on my car, in a restroom or in a park. It doesn't matter. There's nothing wrong with that. Being attuned to our own sexuality and what turns us on is an art form, too, but that's not what I'm getting at. It's one thing to feel dirty; to “see” dirty, but it's quite another to express the “dirty bird” within.

I'd say this past year has been an eye-opener for me in that regard. I've opened myself up more and shared more about what I want from women sexually…and to my surprise I've gotten it.

Looks have little to do with it; I'm pretty average looking. It's about confidence; it's about what's within you and being “okay” with it and then having the courage to let people know about it.

About a year and a half ago I met a gal, a great gal and she didn't live all that close to me. It didn't work out, but before we got there, we shared some moments over the internet. Now, you might be thinking, “Oh, you must have Skyped.” No. What I did was all via email. I would email her and tell her what I wanted to do to her body and I had sent several such messages. Each response from her was proof that I was going in a good direction, so I kept at it. She had told me how hot those messages were. I'm not a great writer, but dangerously capable I think is a fair assessment. I could string some words together and let a woman know what I wanted from her.

That was the first woman I wrote something like that for. As I think back, I did feel comfortable with her and she made me feel that way. I think that helped ease any reservations I had about such a thing.

I'd go on and send other such messages to a few women here and there, some are good female friends and some were just women I met online. I was told repeatedly “You should be writing books on this shit.” Now, I know this sounds like I'm stroking my ego here, but I feel after some time has passed and I've done this enough I can tell you that I could probably make you wet with merely my words, either written on paper or on a screen.

How to Talk Dirty aka Sexting 101

It starts with being okay with your brand of perversion. That's where it starts. Then the next thing that helps is a healthy imagination, in my opinion. I don't reference any “educational materials” when I write what I write. Mentally, I'm totally engaged.

The imagination is a wonderful and powerful thing. With it, you can blow someone's mind from thousands of miles away and make them shudder as though you were right next to them, stroking them in ways they always wanted you to.

Connection. This, I feel, is where a line can be drawn. If you don't have some feelings for the other person, doing this becomes much more difficult. Because sex is often more than just a fuck fest; there's emotions of all sorts in there, too. It doesn't have to be love, necessarily but you do need to connect on some level, even if it's only superficial. It's something, at least!

Being bold…sexting or talking dirty via text is no place for being shy, unless it's “all part of the act,” you see.

Some people love a good build up; setting the scene. Are you in a theater? Are you at the bar? Are you at a restaurant? Does setting the scene matter to you and special someone? Talking about where you're at is good! An ex and I would talk about meeting up at a bar, as strangers and pick up on one another so we could just sort of fuck each other as strangers. It was dirty, slutty and perverted. We both loved the notion of it.

Sometimes, though, someone just wants to get right into it…

how to sext

And when that happens, you just kind of go into it. Obviously, the only picture I needed to paint was my cock in this girl's vagina and other assorted places. So I got down to business and started to write. I was graphic and I didn't hold back, and neither should you!

Being able to express ourselves sexually is paramount to our emotional well-being. We are sexual beings and sexual urges, perversions or whatever you'd like to call them are a part of who we are. I feel like we are often shamed into keeping our perversion to ourselves. And that's no good!

I think the biggest lesson I've taken in is simply the fact that it's okay to be dirty and to share it. More times than not the right person for you will respond positively. So don't be afraid to tell your special someone that you want to sit on their face. 

sexting 101

So Did I Hook Up With Her?

No! While this was all good-dirty fun, I had reservations about such a meeting informed by decades of making poor life choices. So, I passed on this offer. But, man, I could have gone for a BJ that night; my boner wasn't going to take care of itself now, was it?

Don't Mince Fucking Words!

Starz had a show called ‘Spartacus' and one phrase I heard on the show often and loved was “Give voice to your desires and see them fulfilled.” In other words say what you fucking want! If you want to fuck someone, tell them how bad you want to fuck them. Imagine you're in a courtroom and the Judge is asking you “Now, tell the court where the bad man touched you.” It's kind of like that, but not really. Actually, don't imagine that you're in a courtroom telling someone where you want them to touch you by pointing at parts on a doll. That's fucking creepy!

Moving on…

Anyway, my point is to be graphic; be pointed and be bold. Throw your inhibitions out the damn window!

Talking Dirty Examples Please!

The love language we share with those we're most comfortable with is interesting. We often save our kinkiest, dirtiest, vocabulary for the folks we're most intimate with. At least that's my experience. I say “cock,” “pussy,” and “fuck” a lot anyway and if I'm talking to someone via text I generally use the same language. All in all it depends on what your situation calls for. You might call each other “mommy” and “daddy,” and if so that's fucking great. I don't give a shit. Whatever sets you off, just go with it and make no excuses. If you want someone to touch your dick, be brash about it, say “cock” or whatever it is that your love language dictates. If you're going to ask someone to cum on your breasts, use “breasts” or “tits” don't say “boobs” or “boobies” that's just fucking weird and adolescent…

sexting examples

But it's not always about writing fuck, tits and cock. Sometimes you need to develop things a bit; talk about the journey, or the stops along the way. Some folks really love that. I'm one of em.

dirty texting

Sure, you can play nice at first, take things slowly and escalate the action, if you will. That's what I like. But, then, it's not just about me. I have to let the other person know how I want them to feel. I want them to anticipate me; I want to tease them about the “revenge fisting” they're about to receive. Or, you know, whatever kinky fucking thing you perverts are into these days.

Sexting Examples

I obviously like to tell someone what I'm going to do to them, probably even more than reading what someone else writes to me. I get into a zone and I just go with it… Obviously.

Most women, in my experience, don't want to be in control. Now, that's not to say that all women are that way, just the ones I've dated or been with. So I take control in text, too. If you want them to feel unsafe, scared or not in control you have to communicate that. I've definitely asserted, in words, that I'm in control and I got a good response from it. Whatever the picture is you're painting, it always helps to provide the narrative…it's absolutely imperative.

What are we missing here?

You may have noticed that I didn't even talk about photos. Sexting includes images, more times than not. I generally don't send them unless asked. That's about the only time a woman gets a dick pic from me. Although, my loins tell me that I need to start sending unsolicited cock pics out pronto! I might have to!

I don't prefer photos in this sort of encounter. I think the image I conjure in my mind is much more powerful than an image sent to me. Your mileage may vary, of course. I'm not telling you not to, I just think you get more out of the experience if it's purely sextual.

Breaking it down

It's an easy concept but hard to execute. That said, I really recommend the following

  1. Keep it simple.
  2. Understand they want to fuck you just as bad  as you want to fuck them
  3. With #2 in mind, tell them how bad and how you want to fuck them.
  4. Use your words and be fucking perverted about it, keep it adult, unless your kink takes you back to elementary school, you sick fucks. =)
  5. Decide if you're going to paint a picture or not and commit.
  6. Imagination is key. Use it. Don't cheat with other imagery. Trust me here.

In this day in age with have some amazing ways to get our freak on, but using SMS and a little imagination is still pretty kick ass.

Share your own tips below. Giggity!

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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