It's been a while since we've done a “Ask the Urban Dater” sesh. That said, I'll fire off of a few of these and get to the brass tacks!
About four years ago when I was working as a cocktail waitress in strip club I meet this guy. We started what you would call a fuck buddy relationship. I had just broken up with my ex boyfriend and was just looking for fun. Thing is we both started to catch feelings. Well things didnt work out with me and my ex fling. He didnt exactly treat me great and well I ended up getting back with my now husband. My ex fling still contacts me and recently told me he loved me for the first time ever. Why? Why wait till now when it's too late for us. He had so much time and he ruined every chance. He told me he pushed me away because he wasn't ready for anything and that he was scared. But he knows he was wrong…. Honestly it makes me more upset than anything and I just wished I could tell him off in a more clever way. Sorry that turned into more of a rant than a question.
— Jaded and Cornfused, NY
Isn't this always the fuck of it all? Why does it seemed predetermined that relationships that start at a strip club are doomed to fail? This guy's mind? Completely fucking blown… The quick hit I'm getting from this is that you started having sex with a dude you met at the club because you broke up with your boyfriend at the time; things didn't work out with you and your rebound, when that happened you went back to your ex; got married, maybe had some kids and your old rebound won't leave you alone… Why? Because you never know what you have until it's gone.
Telling him off won't change anything. I wouldn't bother with the nincompoop; let him go by not responding to him. He'll either get the hint, or hang around your place like a creeper remembering those special nights to the two of you shared at the club. Of course, that's only good if you have no feelings for him. Something tells me you still carry a flame for the old rebound. That's my guess, otherwise, why would you let this bother you?
It's over, kid. Move on. Don't talk to the old flame and focus on getting me those drinks at the club, getting lap danced on is hard work over here…