I’m not a catch. I would never tell you that I am either. In fact, about the only people that would tell you that I am a catch are my mom and the poor gal I’ve brainwashed into being my girlfriend… Outside of that opinions of my “catch-worthiness” are shaky at best. I’m okay with that. So understand that when I am talking about the “I wouldn’t f*ck that person with your penis” person at work just know that I don’t think I’m all that and a back of zits.
Many moons ago I was working at an insurance carrier and I was there for about four years. I worked with a woman named Cindi. She was a broad shouldered and brazen; she was a true veteran of the world. She was our Disaster Recovery coordinator, hardened from years spent as a mainframe support person, bouncer, truck driver and welder. No one EVER talks to Cindi. They listen to Cindi drone on and on about the 70s, 80s and other bits of irrelevance.
She had a short bushy head of hair that was treated to the regular perm (yes, a PERM! People still get those!!) and her body-type was “pear shaped.” She could be counted on to wear dresses that fell mercifully just above her cankles; if it was cold enough she’d wear a cardigan… Or maybe it was a cat; either way that cardigan was tore up from the floor up, much like Cindi.
Somewhere along the way this “stiffy-killer” became do-able.
I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but at some point I had the internal dialogue that stated “If the world ended and we were the last two people on the earth then we’d have to keep the human race going! Yeah, I’d totally ‘hit that!’” That was the first stage of this internal dialogue. The next one was, “That majestic smell of beef jerky and Doritos really makes Cindi a lot hotter than I thought she was.”
What. The. Hell!!!???
Cindi’s bulging and lazy left eye seemed to glimmer that much more. Her yellowed smile, from years of unfiltered cigarette use, seemed to sparkle just a little bit more; her booty, as it unapologetically ambled from side to side, was just a little more delightful. I knew that this was wrong, but yet it felt so right!
I had to take many cold showers; I masturbated and cried during the whole thing. It was bad! I didn’t know what was wrong with me! I needed answers…
How did this happen?
I asked myself the tough questions: Had I given up on life? Did I think there were no other better options available to me? Is this as good as it gets?
I was befuddled. I mean, sure, we spend a lot of time with our co-workers, the majority of our time in fact, we spend more time with our colleagues than even our friends, families and lovers! Funny things happen (really, it ain’t funny in the slightest!) when you get comfortable with people. You get to know one another and the things that seem weird about someone else become acceptable, like the cowlick on the back of my head, or Cindi’s bump on her nose. They become “acceptable” parts of who a person is and we ignore such details, as time goes by.
It wasn’t just Cindi; I can pinpoint other instances over the years where I thought a previously atrocious co-worker became “doable.” There are certain bands that a woman can be into that will totally turn me off of her. Yet, I find that I’ve been in a car with a co-worker and she’s blasting Nickelback or some other band I’m not into and I just don’t care. The urge to throw myself from a moving vehicle was gone; I no longer wished to stab my eyes out with my own thumbs.
I don’t think there’s a magic time when this happens, it just kind of does.
That said, it came as no surprise when I was at lunch with a few of my male colleagues and one of them asked: “Dude, how much would it cost for you to sleep with Cindy?” It take me long to come up with my answer and I looked my colleague square in the eye and said, “Not only I would I probably lick her toes for free, but I’d engage in sexual congress with her for free as well! Cindi is a hot mother $%^&.”
The great philosopher, Too $hort once said “Get in Where You Fit In.” I think that’s apropos for this little article.
Do you have a story about becoming attracted or fooling around with a co-worker that you didn’t find attractive? Let us know in the comments below.