Okcupid Advice

Okcupid is, as you know, my preferred dating site of choice. It's easy, there's a lot of folks on it and it's free. They do a great job of providing filters and meaningful ways of getting people to give a deeper understanding of who they are.

On Questions…

Answer questions; lots of them. When you first sign up, take 30 minutes and answer these questions as honestly as possible and keep going. Until you get over one hundred answered. Go public on them, too! Answer honestly and frequently. When you login, answer a few questions, 3 or 5. The questions are used to help match you up to other compatible daters. Plus, answering these questions, you get the added benefit of more visits and likes as I think folks are clued into your recent activity and are more likely to click your profile when viewing recent activity.

Your Profile Photo

It doesn't take much for people to keep “swiping right” or to just leave your profile behind anymore. It's just a sign of the times. So don't be annoying and have shitty photos that don't show who you are.

Bad dating profile pic

This lady is doing it wrong

Any guesses as to why these photos are shitty? First photo from the left. Bad lighting and sunglasses. Middle photo, MOAR fucking sunglasses cause you care about that shit. You didn't need to see her face, right? And then birthday cake goggles. Cute, but c'mon. What the fuck, lady? Nice tits!

Look, it's not that hard people!

This lady is doing it… better, but…

better dating profile photo

Okay, this lady is cute. Middle photo is great! The first photo I don't really get who she is or what she looks like. Could be the Unibomber's granddaughter. I don't fucking have any idea. The third photo? Maybe Josh Brolin from ‘No Country for Old Men.'

This gal has more than these three photos, thankfully. But these three photos are what you see in the desktop app. I don't have any figures to tell you that this is a bad way to place photos. What I can tell you though is that your first few photos should be clear and showcase your goods; that smiling face, that great hair.

You don't need a ton of photos, but about 5 seems okay.

Photo Dos

  • At least 5 photos
  • First three photos should clearly show your face.
  • Include pics of you doing something fun
  • Include a full body photo
  • Be playful
  • Photos of you shooting a gun
  • If you're a woman, play up your assets!
  • Guys, the only asset you should play up is your smile or your arms/shoulders

Photo Don'ts

  • No fucking sunglasses
  • No group photos (which asshole are you in that group of assholes?)
  • Avoid photos with bad lighting
  • No duck face!
  • No pics of random art or animals (especially if you're not in them!!)

On Your Profile

Don't tell your whole life story. There's beauty in brevity. Be up front, say your bit and log-off. You don't need to talk about all your hopes and dreams. Just a few tidbits where you are in life, what you like and who you'd like to meet.

You can still be creative and be YOU and provide a glimpse into your personality and sense of humor… Unless you have the personality of a dead rock. Yeah, a dead rock! If you're more interesting than one of those you'll do just fine. If not, spoiler alert… you're going to die alone.

Oh and for the love of puppies everywhere, don't put up an asshole list of requirements... I can't tell you how many people I see do this. Don't be that person. There's no need for it. If you keep meeting the same types of people, look inward people. Trust me, a list isn't going to fucking help you.

On Their Profile

You're also looking for a brief get-to-the-point profile as well.  You're looking for their personality, what they like and generally trying to figure out if the fucker is a sociopath or not. It's hard to do that, though. This will always be hit or miss. Hopefully your instincts are trustworthy…

It can be hard to figure out what to look for and what to concern yourself with. But if it seems safe, then go for it and send a message. You have nothing to lose.

On Messaging

Bet you're going to guess that I say be brief and if you thought that you'd be right. As a personal rule, it can take around 3 to 7 messages to figure out if I want to meet someone. I'm not pushy about moving things along, but I also don't want to send 59 messages back and forth. If things look good and we've had some normal convo I can tell the gal that I want to take her on a date and let's meet for a drink or something like that.

Oh and this is for the guys, if you want to take a woman out ASK HER OUT ON A DATE.  You don't ask her to “hangout” or to “get together,” no! What's wrong with people? You're on a dating site to meet someone and take them on a date. ASK the woman out on a proper date. Don't be an ass about it. No shame in your game, brochacho.

Messaging Dos

  • Do say “hello” and be yourself, be funny…
  • Bring up something in their profile, or at least show that you read their profile
  • Be genuine and show interest

Messaging Don'ts

  • Don't write them again if they didn't reply to your message. Take a hint.
  • Don't carpet bomb message them. Take the time to write a unique message. Sure, there are many women who won't respond, but this is no excuse to not be a gentleman or lady.
  • Take time to actually write a well thought message. “How's it going?” is lame. Shows you don't really give a shit to put in effort.
  • Don't be “the fan.” Don't be that person that just drools over that person online. They're people, too. Note their interest, say a few quick words and wait for their reply.

Online Profile E-Course

So we're putting together an E-Course to further expand on these points as well as some other ones. If you're interested, definitely sign up and we'll keep you in the loop. Best part? It's free fifty free!

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Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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    1. Nice blog! I read through a few of your posts. Would love to invite you to write some content for the Urban Dater, if you’re interested. =)

  1. “Photos of you shooting a gun”? Really?

    That would be an immediate “swipe left” for me. It’s up there with hugging sedated predators and skiing.

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