My experience in serial monogamy and online dating
They say love is one of the most complicated things in life that no one can decipher. Well, I think I can – love is just addition, nothing more. A chemical reaction in the brain that sends you impulses and makes you crave more. You know that feeling of wanting another piece of cake even though you know you’ve had enough?
That’s what I felt before I realized what a wondrous disaster I’ve got in. But it is what it is, that’s serial monogamy. How did I get to this condition, you may ask? Read my story to find out.
Long Story Short: I Had Sequential Relationships Last Few Years
Being a serial monogamist is like being a serial killer, only in the latter case you don’t kill anyone, at least physically. The first time I understood that I got stuck in this loop of repetitive dating was a few months ago. By that time, I’ve been meeting different guys for like three years. Here are some of the most prominent cases:
The “business” guy. We met in the bar the other night after chatting on Polish dating (I have family roots in that country), and I instantly ignited the spark in his eyes. “Gotya”, my subconsciousness whispered as I was trying to regain composure and act normally in front of this extremely handsome and serious guy.
We talked a lot about life, but under these superficial topics, I read “I’m flirting with you, girl”, “I want to know more about you” messages.
He was behaving like I was his business partner – he chinned up, minded his gestures, maintained eye contact, and almost never smiled at me. And that was exactly the thing that caught me in his net, making me want to fall in love with him.
Once he managed to achieve his goal a month later, my emotions were truly on their peak. My levels of dopamine and oxytocin rose up, I got my dose of a “love drug”, and after some time I broke up with him.
The “Reggie” guy. We met at the summer festival and spent the whole evening and night with a bunch of our friends, dancing till dawn. We could only yell at each other to find out at least some basic information about one another because the music was playing loudly as hell.
But at the same time, I knew words didn’t mean a thing,
It took me just a couple of minutes to scan him and understand that: a) he was beautiful; b) he danced masterfully; c) he got an awesome sense of style; It felt like we were stars in the galaxy that collided accidentally, and never wanted to fall apart.
This time, my heart was overwhelmed with feelings for him almost instantly. Such an escalation of emotions lasted for two weeks. After that, my world has turned upside down, and yes, I told him that we’re not a perfect match. Then, I continued my journey and met……
The “bad” guy. I met him in the club during one of those fancy Halloween parties. That man was so attractive and charismatic that I felt like an outcast near him. I didn’t even think that such a person would ever want to approach me and start communication. He was immaculately dressed, but the way he talked was ambiguous.
“Of course perfect men have high self-esteem”, I thought when he started boasting of his successful career, a house with a pool, Rolex watches, and cooking skills.
Any normal girl would run away from him, but not me. Don’t get me wrong – there was something magnetic in a way he manipulated me with the power of words, and obviously I bought into his plan.
We’ve been dating for two months that passed by as one minute. Everything was perfect, right until the moment I decided to complicate things and split up.
How I Realized that I'm a Serial Monogamist
After the above mentioned and many other abortive attempts to start anew on dating sites, I stopped for a second and asked myself: “What do all these relationship cases have in common?” The answer was on the tip of my tongue – I simply loved the idea of falling in love again and again.
Even more terrifying was the fact that I didn’t care who that man was: a millionaire, a caring doctor, a funny guy, or an artistic guy. I didn’t care if he was singing, dancing, or taking care of pets – all I wanted was someone to make me fall in love with him. That was the time I understood I didn’t love a person and their genuine traits. I just loved the idea of being in love.
What is Serial Monogamy Anyway
This phenomenon has to do with the idea that one person practices engagement in a succession of monogamous sexual relationships. Simply put, that’s the point when you realize that marriage and sex do not necessarily coincide.
The downfalls of this predisposition include rejection of self-accountability, uncontrolled avoidance of single life, and refusal from taking time to reflect on previous relationship experience.
Is There a Cure from It Other than Dropping Online Dating?
If you’re a girl like me, don’t panic. The cure exists! To put the whole situation in the palm of your hand, you can:
- Arrange weekly girls’ night. Remember those crazy females you used to hang out with before becoming a part of an infinite love circle? Go out somewhere, and forget about men, for God’s sake. Just concentrate on your friends and the quality time you’re having.
- Take a new hobby. This can be whatever you want: reading, painting, cycling, going to the gym, taking photography courses – everything works well if you want to take some time off and spend it just with yourself.
- Don’t date anybody. This step can be hard to take, but you need to focus on your inner reflections, and new men will only distract you from this process.