How To Not Act Like A Psycho Online

Mr. Perfect

People get way too ballsy online (sometimes, quite literally)…it's like once they are sitting behind the safety of a computer screen, all bets are off. I'm all for letting your freak flag fly, but using the Internet is not an invitation to be a complete and utter psycho. Obviously, I'm mostly talking about online dating. I spend my days writing about the merits of online dating, and spend my nights with a guy I met while online dating, so I'm fully aware of the benefits of computer love. I'm also all too aware of the psychotic behavior that goes down on a daily basis.

Since sharing is caring, here's a brief list of what not to do online…I'm not saying you are a psycho if you do these things (hey, I'm not a doctor), but I'm saying you sure as hell might be.

Don't ask for photos of extremities or limbs.

I once had a guy repeatedly email me and request photos of my hands. Listen, everyone has their thing, but keep that kind of crazy under wraps, at least until the first or second date.

Don't say you're a guy if you're actually a girl.

I mean, what do you stand to gain here? I like dick. If you don't have one, this is never going to work, I don't care how great of a listener you are.

Don't follow me, friend me, request me before we've met…aka don't cyber stalk.

Or at least don't be obvious about it. Of course I googled the shit out of the men I met online and would take a gander if they were silly enough to leave their Facebook available for the world to see, but I wasn't following them on Twitter, commenting on their blogs and checking out what they ate for lunch on MyFitnessPal. I used to use that app to count calories (bikini season was coming, don't judge) and some dude from the internet requested to see my daily meal plan. Uh, no.

Don't Harass Me

Partly because I'm a bitch, partly because I'm busy, and partly because it's awkward, I wouldn't respond to every message I got from guys online. I know some people say it's polite to write back to every email with a “no thanks!” but to me that just sounds weird. Some guys apparently wanted an answer as to why their interest wasn't returned, and expressed this in the form of repeated emails going from “Hey, did you get my message?” (Of course I did, the Internet isn't broken) to “You must think u r 2 hot 4 me” (No comment) to my favorite “Fuck you, I didn't mean 2 write you anyway.” Insults just aren't the way to my heart, and neither is an ability to use actual words.

Don't Steal or Alter My Photos.

One tortured soul I had NEVER spoken to saved my photos to his computer, and then photoshopped himself into them. He sent them back to me with a smiley face in the subject line. Super duper normal, right? Wrong! Just…just don't do that, kids.