What happened? Why hasn’t he called? Was he even interested?
Did he die?
While you lay awake perusing his old text messages and reminiscing about his quick pursuit, the Commitment Phobe was already mentally packing his bags just as he approached your dating profile page.
Whether a matter of hours, days or weeks, this guy suddenly stops calling or ceases to exist without any notice…sometimes before you ever got a chance to see his two faces in person! Unfortunately, this guy simply lacks respect and empathy for women and others in general, and with a larger than life ego, he needs the attention wherever he can get it. He is a classic commitment phobe.
But let’s take a look at how all of this began…
After months of coercion from your friends to “get out there” in the dating world, you reluctantly sign up on the hippest new matchmaking site, create a profile page, and upload your cutest photos…all the while gripping a bottle of pinot grigio. A few days later, some handsome lad pops up on your page, sends out a wink and sparks up a conversation. Curiosity sets in and you hesitantly click on his profile:
I am college graduate and I am looking forward to opening my own company soon. I live just outside the city. I am a real guy looking for a real girl to settle down and share my life with. She must love dogs because my German Shepard, Frank, can sense if you don’t. LOL. I like sushi, playing guitar, long hikes, game night, watching old Glee episodes (guilty pleasure, I’m straight I swear!), cooking pasta and working out (I am in great shape, but you will know that when you see me :). I just want to find my soul mate and travel the world. Maybe we are a match?
Willing to look past his name, bad grammar, the LOLs, and the twenty mile drive, you wink back and send a note that reads, “I like dogs, as long as they don’t bite lol!”
You hit it off like gangbusters and the first date is set for the following Wednesday. In the meantime, the texts get more and more flirtatious and you are feeling like this could even possibly be it! But you play it cool and don’t lose perspective just yet. LOL.
Wednesday comes around and you meet him at the restaurant where he looks a little worse than his picture, but since you had decided on the car ride over not to be judgmental, you let it slide. He was still cute, though, and the conversation flowed…and flowed…and flowed. Was this for real? Five hours later and still laughing it up, you are already mentally testing out his last name after your first. A long kiss good night seals the deal and he tells you he will call you tomorrow. You drive home, giggling all the way to your bedroom, and name your first child before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
The following day, you awaken to songs from the musical Annie as the full-fat cream slides into your coffee cup. That day at work, you are on cloud nine as you feel the excitement over his impending phone call, but the day goes by and nothing. The week goes by and nothing. After a month, you pack up your imaginary children and catch the first flight off Cloud Nine.
The truth is that while you may never know what really happened, you could be certain this guy was a Commitment Phobe. He could have been married, engaged, a sadist, or a complete narcissist. Perhaps his deflating ego needed a boost. The point is that commitment phobes lurk everywhere, and until we change ourselves, heal our pasts, and gain unconditional love for ourselves, we will continue to attract the Melvin’s of the world like magnets.
The online commitment phobe may truly believe that he wants marriage, commitment, and lasting love. He has no idea that he is his own worst enemy, sabotaging anything good that comes his way. This guy does not know he has a fear-based problem and instead, he categorizes himself as picky and too busy to bother.
If you have found yourself scratching your eyeballs out over what went wrong – stop right there. There was no way you could have seen this one coming. Try to look at it this way: You have been spared the agony of getting involved with a man who simply can’t decide what he wants for breakfast.
Emily Wilcox is a Relationship Expert and Author of the newly published book "The Commitment Phobe". She has contributed her expertise to publications such as FHM, Curve Magazine, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, About.com and was the resident advice columnist for Diva magazine. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.
"The Comitment Phobe" is available on Amazon: