If you don’t remember the last time you weren’t in a relationship, casually dating, or in an infatuation-ship, this list is for you. Raised in a world, where marriage and partnership is the norm, how is a singleton suppose to feel? They’re either seen as spurned victims or glorified bachelors; It’s never that black and white. What if it’s not simply about self-love but honestly just being a whole, life-loving human being? There IS the apparent solace of solitude but there’s more.
I don’t think it’s about being okay with being alone and not feeling lonely. I think it’s about being okay with being lonely and not feeling alone.
Here are 10 Things to jumpstart that:
1. Take that Day On
This can run in that all familiar vein of ‘self-love.’ Like the self-help regimen of exercise, work habits, and hobbies…This could also be the self-destructive but just as cathartic rebound madness. Seize the day for possibilities of both growth and set-back. It’s all beautiful. And necessary.
Every now and then, after a major break-up or rut in dating, I like to go on a nostalgic journey of revisiting my exes (in memory, though also rarely, in person). It’s funny, bittersweet, and kind of entertaining. You’re like your own Love PI-investigating when, where, how you got to this point. Dig up past dirt. And maybe uncover some new leads in the process.
Fasting in some cultures or religions, means to abstain from food or all instinctual desires (hunger, thirst, sex, and shelter). When I say you should ‘fast,’ I mean to not per that literal extreme, though some might dig that spiritually. What I mean is to see how long your mind, body, and even soul can withstand without instant gratification. And Greed. It’s good to ask yourself if the reason you’re unhappy is because you’ve lost sight of what to appreciate. Sometimes, what I want is the last thing I need.
4. Take that Day Off
In the lieu of all this singledom, I write as if to make single life so sexy. When it’s not. And that’s okay. Whether you just got dumped or you serially dump or you have a long-term (maybe slightly toxic) relationship with your career, being single is about lovin being lazy. T-shirt. Grunge. Sloppily. Because when YOU are in focus, sure, you can give away caution from the significants of life like bills, emotional intimacy, work, or family. Right?
But on the other side, at some point, to get most of this list…you should just be highly critical of yourself as f**k. Like, heck, man what are you doing wrong? Like, what is wrong with you. Yeah, I know what’s wrong with you. At least I know, an inkling. So maybe let’s face the mirror then and peer all so hesitantly but astutely so. It’s very easy to Strawman your ex as in augment all his/her flaws as to burn the relationship to dust. Sometimes, it IS you. In fact, for the most part it is. Wait, what? What is fact? Strawman yourself.
6. Help Someone Else
Most of the most rewarding things in life is to reward someone else. Whether you volunteer or help those in way greater need than you, it’s invigorating. Yes, you get the warm, fuzzy feelings, but you also, get this incredible sense of gratitude, empowerment, and wisdom. There’s also this microscopic-macroscopic interchange that happens when you help someone else. Your world lens doesn’t seem so magnified in its all drama because it overlaps with someone else’s. You feel content in your smallness in realizing the world’s (with everyone else) bigness. But, heck, you’re part of that. We are all in this big, crazy world together.
As I’ve gotten older, I realize, no matter who you are with, who you become, or where you are, you’ll feel lonely. But that loneliness…maybe it’s not so bad. Its what evolutionary psychologists argue is a survival mechanism in which motivates humans to seek mates, procreate, and ultimately live in niched families. Yes. But what if it’s pivotal to being human? What if it’s essential and something that should be simply embraced? Maybe loneliness is just a leaf from where human struggle ‘stems’ from. Very philosophical, punny and potentially dodgy metaphor. Noted. But, overall, inward reflection can really make you gain perspective on all your relationships romantic or not. How do they all relate to the humanness in you?
Personally, I don’t think it’s about being okay with being alone and not feeling lonely. I think it’s about being okay with being lonely and not feeling alone.
8. Have an Irresistible Crush
On a somewhat lighter note, I think when you’re single, you’re excused that one consuming and unhealthy crush. Your College Professor. Ex’s friend. Your co-worker. The douche you know you’re still attracted to. The situationship that you’ll never escape from. I mean you’re still always technically single till you act on it. Crush time!
This is reserved for you (the reader). What have you been holding yourself back from doing? This is reserved for that one book you’ve been delaying on. To publish. That trip you’ve been wanting to go on. Since you were 16. That career change. That gelato flavor. Anything! It’s the first thing that flashed in your mind when reading this. Sure it ran fast. So chase it.
10. Write a Dating Blog
Be you or be like, haha, me. Writing a dating blog is one of the most rewarding, cathartic, and fun things in life I’ve come across. I thank founder Alex Vasquez and all the other contributors for making this such a wonderful platform. You don’t know till you try. Happy Reading (and Writing 😊 ).
Sarah Suhaimi practices 명음 by day and the art of dark chocolate bar swindling by night. She is currently working closely with a local Pittsburgh non-profit that serves sex-trafficked victims, Living in Liberty, as a volunteer and grant proposal writer. She founded the Southeast Asian Student Alliance (SEASA) at her university, and, as well, the "Offer Islam Campaign." Her works vary from prose to poetry to articles. Her published works include, ‘The Home of an Immigrant’s Daughter’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2012 Dublin Biennial, Dublin, Ireland and ‘Hidden Beauty Reveals Itself (Intellect Vs Instinct)’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2011 Florence Biennale VIII, Florence, Italy.