The Runaway Guy…
Ladies, let me know if you’ve met this guy. Mr. Dashing, tall, handsome, well-endowed falls from the heavens JUST FOR YOU! He’s smart, your friends love the guy and you’re all butterflies about him. You tell him as much and he shares these feelings. Then POOF! Like an erection running away from Sandra Bernhardt, or a box office fail, he’s gone. Vanished! It’s as if he was never there at all. No calls, no nothing whatsoever. W. T. F?
You may think it was something you said or did. You may think you came on too strong, but if that was true then why was he mirroring your feelings and words??
Ladies, I’ve been this guy. Really, I have. I’m not proud of it and it’s certainly not funny; trust me, no woman wants to be in a situation where a guy goes for a bathroom break only to find that her guy straight up left her at the table, formerly for two.
Why do we do that? It’s probably because you suck! No, no. I’m kidding, away put your estrogen and vitriol, I mean you no harm.
I’ve found myself in situations where I really did think I was ready for something serious with a woman, but only to find that, no, I wasn’t. I was fooling myself. You might be thinking, “Wow, what an ass bag!” I won’t say that I wasn’t, for effectively leading a woman on… However, things don’t always happen the way we think.
I found that I wasn’t ready for a relationship or that I didn’t have the feelings to match those of the women I was with. There’s not always a rhyme or reason, ladies; there just isn’t sometimes. That’s okay; it’s just hard to understand. When it’s right, it’s right! Err… right?
Chalk it up to the guy not being ready. There are a mass ton of reasons why. Unfinished ex business; personal turmoil, personal triumph, the dog died, Superman Died… Again. Really. Any number of things could be at play. Stop wondering why. Chalk it up as “another one who bit the dust.”
For Runaway Guys, it’s really shitty to just stop calling and go away. That’s immature, the work of a boy and not a man. If the situation isn’t working for us, we need to speak up and say so. We may not tell you exactly why, and, honesty, it’s none of your business. However, a man needs to be responsible for himself, his feelings and those of the woman whose life he barges in on.
Until next time, ladies. Please. Untie me! I’m hungry.
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I've been on both sides of this tale. But you are right, sometimes "it" just isn't there. No rhyme, no reason. In dating, you just need to roll with the punches and get ready to shout "NEXT!"
If 'it' wasn't there – why did you get yourself into the situation in the first place? I can understand changing your mind after a few dates, that's only natural, though it is better if you say something and not leave the woman raking herself over the coals wondering what's wrong with her. My last boyfriend did this to me. After a yearlong relationship and telling me he loved me he just told me out of the blue one day he wanted to be friends. I was heartbroken and of course couldn't do this. I've never understood what happened there, and ever since I've been coming across men who are interested at first then back way off the minute I reciprocate that interest. I never get an explanation and I'm inclined to think it is something about me, so I've spent $1000's on therapy trying to figure it out.
I think you're assuming that, from the start, the guy isn't interested. I can only speak for myself and tell you that, for me, I thought I really did feel strong feelings, only to find that, that wasn't the case. There are guys who sucker women in for sex, money and other things and do this in premeditated fashion.
I would say that a lot of guys don't get into a relationship and show real interest unless it really is genuine. It's simply a case, sometimes, where something that seemed like a good idea at the time really wasn't after all…
Alex, what a well-written article, and one I had the lucky opportunity to hear in the making. 🙂
I'd say you're right on with your two points:
1) Guys need to man up and tell women it's "over." This is difficult, of course, and no man I know likes to hurt our feelings, but it's only fair.
2) We women need to recognize that sometimes things just don't work out. This is easier said than done, of course, and in situations like Heather's, the longer a relationship lasts the more complex it gets, but it still needs to be said: Every end of a relationship is the beginning of a new stage of your life. Embrace that, mourn the loss, move on.
Well written article Alex. I completely agree. The guys who never calls after the second date, well I just pretend he died and move on. But come on guys be a man and have the balls to say bye. The disappearing act is rude and immature. Thanks for posting Alex.
When I broke up with Douchetard, my dad sat me down and told me about this awesome woman he dated a few years ago. He said that he was crazy about her and that they really hit it off. He had to travel to a ways to visit with her but it was going really well. Then, one day, he woke up early and he was just… done. He got in his car, he drove away and never came back.
My dad is not a bad guy, he's very empathic and generous and kind. After telling me that story, I realized there's no way to account for what we feel when it comes to love. We all have our moments where we just want to bail. It's just a matter of maturity on how we do it.
No. These runaways are simply cowards. They aren’t running away from the girl.They are running away from themselves. They are scare shitless about being “known”. They are hiding. And to answer the question every man has “Do I have what it takes?” The answer for these cowards is NO!
They are just cowards. If you pursue them, do so to throw some rocks at their punky asses and run them far off. They’ll say you are “causing it” or “pressuring them” or “they need space”. A man can handle pressure. These boys can’t. They are no good to anybody; not even themselves. They might shack up with a mother-figure for some incest type sex. But they are no good for anything. And they are lazy. They don’t want to do what it takes. They don’t have what it takes–Period. They are failures.
Yes it IS our business to know “why” a guy leaves a woman in their relationship – bottom line, if they can get naked and intimate then they owe the woman an explanation otherwise, they are clearly just a f boy who probably will never grow up. Not to mention, these runaway boys will use other people to get whatever else they want or desire from a weekend away at the extended family’s lake property to the gf’s awesome cooking and everything inbetween. The runaway f boys are mooches of course they will never admit to any of their screw ups but rather blame their woman. Classic cases of emotional immaturity and many are Momma boys it’s frankly, really pathetic and a total waste of an adult life. Stear clear of these wounded two faced men they will break your heart and never look back so run first ladies before they do, you’ll be better off without them.