How to Talk Dirty to Your Man

I've talked about talking dirty and how to go about it in the past. I haven't really covered how guys like dirty talk, too. It's not all that surprising. Men and women are, after all, sexual beings.

The one thing I think a lot of folks, or at least some of the fellas I know, seem to think that dirty talk is a specific-use-case weapon, purely situational…this is soooo very wrong! Any time is a great time to tell that special someone how you want to fuck 'em and doing so with playful word choice that triggers just the right response! I saw you could make a whole-day activity out of talking dirty. Yep, I sure do!

Now, obviously it helps if your guy is a dirty talker, too. If he's not a dirty talker then it's an uphill climb. I have to tell you, nothing kills a boner, or lady-boner, like someone who doesn't have a fucking clue how to talk dirty.

Talking dirty is an important part of communication! If you can't tell your significant other how bad you want to fuck their brains out then how the fuck will you ever resolve the toilet paper roll conundrum!

Breakfast is the Most Important Meal of the Day…

Not so long ago I was seeing a gal who was fairly brazen in thought and deed. We had a fun couple of weeks. One early morning, before going on a run, the object of my desire slowly crawled on top of me and whispered, “Hey, wake up…” followed by kisses on my neck and ears, as she gently stroked my chest with her nails.

“Hey, guy, wake up,” she kept saying. I was tired, but in a pleasant mood. We didn't have sex right then, she lay there on top of me, still whispering, asking, “How long are you going to be this morning?” (Of course, referring to my run.)

“I don't know how long I can hold out,” as she danced a sole finger all over my face and to my chest again, making a shape. “Do you know what this is, I'm drawing on you?” She asked, “It's a penis. Your penis. Don't make me wait too long,” as she not so gently shoved me out of bed, taking the covers with her…

Needless to say that early morning gesture was, ahem, on my mind the whole morning. Running twelve miles with an erection is not easy folks. Runners need adequate blood flow and shit!

The way this gal talked to me–I still think about it sometimes. It was the sincere desire, mixed with the playfulness, that melted my concentration. Honestly, I've maybe had that with one other woman before…'Tis a rare treat.

The take away is that if the mood hits you, regardless of time or day, let loose your naughty thoughts. Tell your man how you want him or how you want him to take you.

I might like havin' a little Afternoon Delight

In case you didn't know it, my kryptonite is the little black dress. No lie. I fucking roll over and lose any sense of self around a woman rocking the LBD; I shiver just thinking about it.

Given that this blog is somewhat easy to find, as are my blog posts, there have been a few times in my dating career where a woman has found the Urban Dater and caught wind of my love of the little black dress. One such gal started off the morning by sending me a pic of her heels and the dress she would wear for our date. She asked, seemingly innocent enough, “So, this wouldn't be too dressy for our date later would it?”

Now, this was a first date. I had intentions of drinks somewhere, perhaps a bar, or Subway or some shit, but I quickly changed course and came up with a place better suited for a lady in a LBD. To say I couldn't keep my shit together was an understatement. This is pretty much how everything looked to me the rest of the day.

I got exactly zero shit done that day at work, surprising not even my boss who knew I was a fuck up anyway, but I digress. “There'sth mo' tah life than puthy, mang!” Sure, boss, sure!

So I only had a few bits of information to go on about my date from pics and phone conversations and messages. I knew that she was tall and she was cute and my imagination took that information and produced a crazy amount of images of this gal in her little black dress that would even make Pinterest blush!

Do you see the common thread here? There's a certain element the imagination that is hard to deny. Your guy will be sitting at his desk, with a chubby, just waiting to man handle you; you will be on his mind in relentless fashion. Behold but one small weapon at your disposal to break your man's will sap his desire to do anything meaningful with life.

I don't know why they call it a Walk of Shame. You just had sex last night and now everyone knows it. Sounds like a Walk of Win to me.

Eventually things will lead to an evening rendezvous, and if you've been carefully crafting a sexually charged dialogue you might want to tear into one another. I'm going to tell you to hold off on that just yet. There's no need for that sort of nonsense! You've worked so hard and the anticipation is probably at a fever-pitch at that point.

Play it cool. You could be playful and pretend to be upset, telling your beau how pissed off you are at him. When he asks why, you can tell him that you didn't have a change of panties because of how wet he made you…that's never a bad starter.

One time, at band camp…I had hopped into bed with my ex and pretty much thought it was lights out and off to dreamland. We often chit chatted about the day to follow and other random shit that was just for us.

One particular evening, my gal had said, “Hey!”

I grumbled a “Whatchoo want, foo?”

She said, “Check this thing out…”

I chuckled. “What thing,” I asked.

She lifted up the covers; she'd slipped off her PJs and unmentionables…and with a very serious face, said “there… something's up!”

She was funny this way; it was one of the ways we could be weird with one another. So I rolled over and slid down to inspect the area in question. “Um, I can't see anything here… Derp!” I'm kissing and nibbling down there. She told me, “Keep looking…more. Keep. Looking!” She then got louder with the moaning, and I could tell she was into what I was doing.

Don't worry, I wasn't down there with a shovel and pick-axe–just my tongue, people. Her telling me what she wanted and moaning (without over doing it) was a turn on for me–knowing I can get a woman off is a lovely thing.

Sure, there are those carnal moments when, as sexual being, you want to take what you desire with impunity. That said, you can talk without saying words; if you like what's being done let your guy know…BUT (and a very big BUT) is don't over do that shit. That's a chubby killer if ever there was one.

TL;DR

Any time of the day or night is a good time to talk dirty.
Communicate your desires, how you want him or what you want to do to him.
Anticipation and the imagination are weapons at your disposal. Use them. Make him think about you all day.
It should be comfortable with you, it should flow naturally.
Pics and sexy commentary are your best friends.