Ask the Urban Dater: Ultra Confident Guy Edition
Today's question comes from TJ McFacebreaker of Magyartown, Illinois. I'm pretty sure that town doesn't exist, but who gives a shit, let's get to the goods!
I am a 40 year old single guy and have been single for about 4 years now. I have dated quite a bit in the last four years, which spans the spectrum pretty widely as far as the type of single women out there. I have had a consistent comment from women I have had sex with (which I didn't get from my wife of 15 years) that I am an excellent lover. I'm not trying to sound arrogant and, yes, I know every guy out there claims he is huge and will rock everyone's world. I'm not saying either of those things, but I am saying that there must be something to it as often as I hear it. So, here is what I want some dialogue about. Can a guy realistically and openly share, advertise, or somehow communicate to the women of the world that there is something a little bit more about the way he makes love? Oh, by the way, I am a terrible man whore, I have really given it a good try and I suck at it, but I suppose that is a whole other topic. Well, I hope this is at the least an interesting thought. — TJ McFacebreaker
TJ, I wish I could relate to your pain. But women think I'm a fat piece of shit douche bag. It's true! But let's talk about YOU. I was talking to a buddy of mine about this, who's an avid Vagitarian and kills the punany. We both have a similar take to what you're going on about.
It's sort of like you're trying to apply for a job that you know you're good at. You have the skills on the ol' resume to get hired. But how do you score the interview? It's not like they give diplomas out for givin women a permanent “O” face. Right?
I think of Don Draper and his horde of women. You see, Draper doesn't need to broadcast his sexiness; his manliness. For that matter anyone good at something should NEVER need to tell anyone or boast about it. You just do it. Which is why your question is counter intuitive. You don't just advertise it by saying “hey, I give good lovin'!” Doesn't work. You'll come off as a self absorbed cunt bag. No good. As my friend put it: “You need to appeal to a woman's primal programming.” That is, women often look to other women, their friends/ family and see what they have and sometimes they'll want those same things be it shoes, clothes, nice cars or a good looking guy that can treat her right. I know it sounds base, but I think there's some logic there. If you appear to be a guy that can please a woman, then women will want you because they'll take notice.
How do you do that? If you are the manwhore you say you are, then you can strike up a friendly or non-so-friendly discourse with attractive women anyway. The point is to maintain these relationships/friendships and appear as busy fun-loving and confident person. Put yourself in position where you'll be seen by other women that don't already know you.
Again, how do you do that? TJ, fuck, man. Stop axin' me so many effing questions! Look, the best way to do this is to create situations where you're in control. You can do this in a number of ways. Host get togethers with your friends, invite some of your own lady friends, encourage your existing friends to bring single-minded women. Create meetup groups for co-eds. Hiking groups, kickball, softball. Or joint a group, again bring your wagon of trollops to traipse about and sing your praises. Not in an obvious way, they' pretty much serve the wingman function at that point.
Women are drawn to confident and interesting men. Create situations where you can be at the center of the stage and other women will no doubt take notice. For Don, being a powerful guy is one thing, being confident is another, being the center of attention and in a place to be noticed by other women is yet one more thing the guy does to make the pussy rain all over those pimp suits he wears.
And you're welcome
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Relationships should be carried out by two parties in order to
be truly successful. Dating is only part of taking care of relationships.
5 Thumbs up for the nice article.
You’ll also need to find a way to stand out from the crowd of other men who believe they are great lovers, but aren’t. It’s like false advertising by over confident guys with little self awareness, damaging the credibility of those who really have skill.
Quite a funny post Mike thank you !